Have Your Cake and Eat it Too

This has come from many weeks of thought on the subject, reading and listening to different ideas on child rearing, etc.

It seems that lately I have read/heard so many times, "You are NOT your child's friend. You are their PARENT!" "You are not supposed to be your child's friend. You are supposed to be their parent." and so on....

I submit to you that this is one instance where you CAN "have your cake and eat it too."

First of all I am NOT talking about being a "friend" to your child in this way...
Excerpts from a friend's blog who happens to be childless at the moment but made some pretty great observations and points.

The event to which I was responding in particular involved a mommy who allowed her child to act the fool and mess up someone's barely-above-minimum-wage work assembling a display of candy. This woman did and said nothing that could have been twisted to be construed as any form of correction, reprimand or suggestion of appropriate behavior-- even after the fit was thrown. As she left the gas station, she picked up the child and was cooing at him as if he were the most adorable thing on earth. Her treatment reminded me of someone standing before the golden bovine image of Baal...
What I witnessed was not parenting, but coddling from a woman who was so impressed with how adorable her child was to her that she did not love him enough to train him up in a way that will benefit him. What I saw was coddling, adoration, and NOT parenting. I am all about treating a child like a child, and cooing over him or her, but not when he or she has done something WRONG.
Some of these parents I am noticing now seem to be falling down on their jobs, though-- and they don't seem to care. They seem to be just so enamored of their adorable little babies that they are neglecting their responsibilities and obligations to these little people.

I am also not talking about being so starved for affection that you neglect your parenting responsibilities in favor of being your child's "friend".

I kept thinking over and over the last few weeks, "what bugs me so much in the statement that I cannot be my child's friend?"
I thought and I thought and I thought some more.
During these times of thinking little boy voices punctured the thoughts with statements like these.
"Mommy you are my best friend." (said to me by Thomas as he laid his head on my shoulder.)
"Mommy I want to come with you because you are my best friend too." (said Judah as he got out of the van to come into the store with me.)

I thought about God as my parent and what He says about it in the Bible. God is my authority. He is also described as my Father. He disciplines me in his love, and yet, the Bible says that God has called us "friend". We are counted as friends of God.

"Hhhmmmm, "she said thoughtfully.

I then looked up the definition of the word friend in the dictionary (see, I really have given this a lot of thought) and it said this:
Friend-
NOUN:
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

OK so disregarding definition number 5, and possibly number 4, depending on how you read that one, numbers 1-3 really do apply to me and my boys.

I also have some quotes from the infamous Michael Pearl.

"Be a friend. Do with them the things that they enjoy doing. Be caring. Be more ready with your ear than you are with your mouth. Be very sensitive to their concerns...."

"Parent, above all, you must cultivate that kind of a relationship with your child. It is painful to sin against your best buddy. If you can maintain this bond with your child you will never have a problem child."

"A child can't rebel against his best buddy....If you will praise and reward the desired behavior, there will be very little undesirable behavior. You will be speaking ten times the encouraging word for every rebuke......If your child is not doing anything praiseworthy then take his hand to walk beside you until he does do something worthy."

"Check yourself for balance by asking the question, 'Do my children view me as a stern and severe disciplinarian or as a cheerful and wonderful companion and guide?' Your judgments and punishments should be lost in the many hours of happy communion."


I have come to this conclusion...

You absolutely CAN be a true friend to your child as long as it doesn't supersede your authority as a parent. I am God's friend but He will never let that supersede the fact that He is the Supreme Authority in my life. He will never let me "off the hook" discipline-wise because I am His friend. I know that He is my BEST FRIEND but He is also the One Who holds the keys to death and the grave. He is also the Alpha and Omega, the Judge, My Savior, my Father, the One Who loves me beyond all comprehension, the one who disciplines me because He loves me. etc. etc. etc.
He is the perfect example of how to be both a friend and a parent. He is always the authority even while being my best friend.

So, there you have it. Now pass me the chocolate cake and please make mine the end piece with the HUGE frosting flower on it.

BLESSINGS!!