that I've ever read. (Well one of them anyway.)
This is tongue and cheek- be forewarned.
This is from a secular homeschooling magazine. I am not endorsing it. I didn't read anything else. I found this link through another site.
Even though it is sarcastic at times it's so funny because- it's so logical. :)
Here you go:
The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List
By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007
1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?
2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.
3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.
4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.
5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.
6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.
7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.
8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.
9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.
12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.
13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.
14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.
15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.
16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.
17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.
18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.
21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.
22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.
23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.
24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.
25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!
Secular Homeschooling magazine
Contents © 2007-2008 Deborah Markus
p.s. Just because I'm having a CONTEST (see post before this one)
does not mean you won't be subjected to my stories or my thoughts this week. :):)
Monday, March 31, 2008
CONTEST!!
I am going to have a contest with a prize involved...
This is just a heads up so that everyone will have an equal chance at entering. Next Monday, April 7, I will post the contest and the first person who can email me the correct answer will win...
A $15.00 STARBUCKS GIFT CARD!!!
Consider yourself warned.
This is just a heads up so that everyone will have an equal chance at entering. Next Monday, April 7, I will post the contest and the first person who can email me the correct answer will win...
A $15.00 STARBUCKS GIFT CARD!!!
Consider yourself warned.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Busy Busy Busy
Where does the time go? I mean seriously. :) I read other blogs and think...they haven't posted for a few days and then I looked at the date on mine and it's been 5 days. Wow! Sorry everyone. :)
This was a semi busy week. It looks like school is going to be slow for a few months. The only things Judah needs to finish before beginning second grade material are: 1/2 of first grade Math (he finished the first 1/2 in about 6 weeks) and a little bit of language arts stuff: abc order, synonyms, homonyms, and a bit more practice on what constitutes a correct sentence.
I am giving Thomas a break for a few weeks. He is mostly playing with educational toys and with Gideon during school time.
We went on a family field trip Thursday. It should have been fun. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were; but J and T had bad attitudes during parts of it and that made it far less enjoyable. :) We talked about how 1 person's bad attitude can ruin an outing for everyone. Hopefully it sunk in a little.
We went to SC where we first looked at tractors. (An all boy field trip. That's what that was.) Then we went on to Oconee State Park. It was beautiful. The weather was beautiful. It all started off so well. heehee
Skipping nap time was our first mistake.
Our second was going on a "short" hike around the lake.
That lasted well over an hour to an hour and a half. The lake sure looked A LOT smaller when we started than it did when we were finished. :):)
After the hike the boys were both complaining that they were, "SOOOOO tired" till they saw a playground, said, "SLIDE!" and broke into a run. haha
They played there for about 10 minutes and then we rented a paddle boat for an hour. We had to take turns because it was a 2 person paddle boat. Michael took Thomas, then he took Gideon. I followed up with Judah but he got grease on his hands that water wouldn't get rid of and he wanted to go in so he could wash his hands. Michael took him to wash his hands and gave me Gid- who lasted about 5 minutes before trying to jump ship. I was too tired to deal with that so in we went. I went to the office to return the life jackets and use the bathroom. Actually we all made a bathroom stop. Michael was the last one to go in and I decided to take the boys to the van so I could change Gid's diaper. As I started down the brick steps outside I missed one and went tumbling down face first. I cannot tell you how terrified I was that I was tumbling down face first with a 2 year old in my arms. Those stairs were SHARP. I was worried that when we hit them that I'd smash Gid under me or not be able to protect him...so I dropped him to the side where I wouldn't fall on him and I slid down the steps on my legs and broke the fall with my hands. Thankfully I didn't hit my face. It was only about 5-6 steps but my legs HURT. I knew they were skinned up and I was frantically checking Gid who was crying. He looked fine. No scratches. Michael came out and I asked him to check him while I checked out my right leg. It was pretty bruised and scraped but it all looked rather surfacy. I got some alcohol (OOOUUUUCHHH!!! I mean for crying out loud! I've had 3 children without a drop of painkiller but I HATE to put alcohol on an open wound. I'm such a wimp!) and band aids from inside. I "dr'd" the wounds and put on a couple of band aids.
It all looked fine even though it hurt a lot. Gid ended up with a small bump on the back of his head. No cuts or bruises anywhere else so I guess I made the right choice to drop him in the second I had to decided. I cried though. I felt AWFUL that I hadn't been able to protect him.
Anyway, when we got home one of the cuts on my shin started bleeding again and wouldn't stop. It was just a bitty thing but it was more like a small puncture wound. Lovely. Probably needed a single stitch but of course I didn't get it. :) I put on 2 butterfly bandages and thought it was ok till it bled through. grrr. Gauze and adhesive tape took care of that. :) Aren't you all just so thrilled that I shared those details with you? What exciting reading. lol
Because we took the day off Thursday I got behind on housework. So, today I have been cleaning WAY more than I normally do on a Saturday. I try not to do much cleaning on the weekends.
Michael is off at a baseball game with some friends. I was SO SAD when he called me from the field to tell me that the Braves were playing the Cleveland Indians!! It's only a pre season game but it still would have been fun to see. I'm really glad he got to get away and do something fun this afternoon. He rarely does that.
Gotta go. The kids are breaking down out there and I need to go see what's up. Blessings!- Angela :)
This was a semi busy week. It looks like school is going to be slow for a few months. The only things Judah needs to finish before beginning second grade material are: 1/2 of first grade Math (he finished the first 1/2 in about 6 weeks) and a little bit of language arts stuff: abc order, synonyms, homonyms, and a bit more practice on what constitutes a correct sentence.
I am giving Thomas a break for a few weeks. He is mostly playing with educational toys and with Gideon during school time.
We went on a family field trip Thursday. It should have been fun. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were; but J and T had bad attitudes during parts of it and that made it far less enjoyable. :) We talked about how 1 person's bad attitude can ruin an outing for everyone. Hopefully it sunk in a little.
We went to SC where we first looked at tractors. (An all boy field trip. That's what that was.) Then we went on to Oconee State Park. It was beautiful. The weather was beautiful. It all started off so well. heehee
Skipping nap time was our first mistake.
Our second was going on a "short" hike around the lake.
That lasted well over an hour to an hour and a half. The lake sure looked A LOT smaller when we started than it did when we were finished. :):)
After the hike the boys were both complaining that they were, "SOOOOO tired" till they saw a playground, said, "SLIDE!" and broke into a run. haha
They played there for about 10 minutes and then we rented a paddle boat for an hour. We had to take turns because it was a 2 person paddle boat. Michael took Thomas, then he took Gideon. I followed up with Judah but he got grease on his hands that water wouldn't get rid of and he wanted to go in so he could wash his hands. Michael took him to wash his hands and gave me Gid- who lasted about 5 minutes before trying to jump ship. I was too tired to deal with that so in we went. I went to the office to return the life jackets and use the bathroom. Actually we all made a bathroom stop. Michael was the last one to go in and I decided to take the boys to the van so I could change Gid's diaper. As I started down the brick steps outside I missed one and went tumbling down face first. I cannot tell you how terrified I was that I was tumbling down face first with a 2 year old in my arms. Those stairs were SHARP. I was worried that when we hit them that I'd smash Gid under me or not be able to protect him...so I dropped him to the side where I wouldn't fall on him and I slid down the steps on my legs and broke the fall with my hands. Thankfully I didn't hit my face. It was only about 5-6 steps but my legs HURT. I knew they were skinned up and I was frantically checking Gid who was crying. He looked fine. No scratches. Michael came out and I asked him to check him while I checked out my right leg. It was pretty bruised and scraped but it all looked rather surfacy. I got some alcohol (OOOUUUUCHHH!!! I mean for crying out loud! I've had 3 children without a drop of painkiller but I HATE to put alcohol on an open wound. I'm such a wimp!) and band aids from inside. I "dr'd" the wounds and put on a couple of band aids.
It all looked fine even though it hurt a lot. Gid ended up with a small bump on the back of his head. No cuts or bruises anywhere else so I guess I made the right choice to drop him in the second I had to decided. I cried though. I felt AWFUL that I hadn't been able to protect him.
Anyway, when we got home one of the cuts on my shin started bleeding again and wouldn't stop. It was just a bitty thing but it was more like a small puncture wound. Lovely. Probably needed a single stitch but of course I didn't get it. :) I put on 2 butterfly bandages and thought it was ok till it bled through. grrr. Gauze and adhesive tape took care of that. :) Aren't you all just so thrilled that I shared those details with you? What exciting reading. lol
Because we took the day off Thursday I got behind on housework. So, today I have been cleaning WAY more than I normally do on a Saturday. I try not to do much cleaning on the weekends.
Michael is off at a baseball game with some friends. I was SO SAD when he called me from the field to tell me that the Braves were playing the Cleveland Indians!! It's only a pre season game but it still would have been fun to see. I'm really glad he got to get away and do something fun this afternoon. He rarely does that.
Gotta go. The kids are breaking down out there and I need to go see what's up. Blessings!- Angela :)
Monday, March 24, 2008
My AMAZING six year old
Okay so Judah turned 6 over a month ago and I am STILL going to post about this monumental birthday but not tonight. Tonight I am going to share a story he wrote this afternoon. I was nursing Gideon to sleep for his nap, Judah was playing on the floor next to us, and Thomas was off with Michael doing a hauling job, when Judah turned to me and said, "Let's make up a story together mom." I thought he wanted to do one of those continuing stories we do sometimes where you start and then stop and the other person takes over and you switch back and forth. That's not exactly what he wanted. :):) I put Gideon to sleep and told Judah that I was going to type out our story. The "our" is a bit incorrect. He really wrote the story. The only things I contributed were: a bit of grammar correction (not all of the grammar was corrected, only the glaringly irritating ones), prompting to sequence properly if he gave info that was confusing, and a little bit of rewording. :)
So here it is: Judah's latest story with a Title and everything. Keep in mind that this story would have been longer if I hadn't started to have migraine symptoms and needed to get away from the computer for awhile. :)
THE RAT AND ALEX
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Alex. He had a rope and a cowboy hat. The rope was to catch a dolphin.
He went fishing with the rope but he was worried because if he caught a whale he'd be eaten.
He caught a whale and he was in there 100 days. When he tried to get out he saw a friend. The friend was a rat. The rat said, “I want you to punch the mouth.” The rat also said, “ When you punch him I want you to bite it too.”
The boy said, “I won't because he will get mad at me and swallow me down his throat!”
So the rat punched and bit the whale's mouth. The whale's mouth opened but the whale shut it too quickly for them to get out. So the rat punched him two times and bit him 2 times and the whale opened his mouth and this time it stayed open. The boy and the rat got out of the whale but when the rat got out he realized he couldn't swim and he was going to drown. Alex saved the rat and he swam up and the whale wanted to blow them up because they were on top of the whale's blow hole and the whale blew the water up and they were on a path back home.
On the path they saw a sign that showed Alex the way home but the sign said that Alex's Mommy and Daddy were on a trip and he had to make lunch by himself. He got home and he made a very tiny egg sandwich for the rat and a big one for himself. After the rat had eaten all his sandwich he was still hungry. He asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So the boy made both of them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
When they were done they were all full and they went to play outside. They were playing basketball. Alex was lifting the rat up to shoot because he couldn't reach the basket.
When it was nighttime Alex made a little bed for the rat. He put the rat's bed on top of his bed so they could be together but the rat was scared. He said, “Alex! I want you to cuddle me up cuz I'm scared!”
Alex replied, “When you go to sleep I will cuddle you up because you are scared.”
When it was morning they got up to play and dance. They put on a song and danced and danced but they got too tired. They played on Alex's computer to save up energy but the rat couldn't reach the keyboard. So Alex put the rat up next to the keyboard. The rat tried to play a game. He clicked the arrow. He was playing a moose game. The moose in the game had to find all the computers. There were 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 computers to find. They won!
When they finished the game it was nighttime and the rat wanted to play outside. They were playing in the dark with the snow. It had snowed while they were playing the computer. They got too cold and went inside to play. They played trucks, cars, and bulldozers. When they were done they decided to eat. After their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they decided to count to 20. Alex's parents came home after they finished counting to 20. They loved on Alex's parents. His parents liked the rat cuz the rat rat was speaking nicely to them. They said the rat could stay.
The End.
So here it is: Judah's latest story with a Title and everything. Keep in mind that this story would have been longer if I hadn't started to have migraine symptoms and needed to get away from the computer for awhile. :)
THE RAT AND ALEX
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Alex. He had a rope and a cowboy hat. The rope was to catch a dolphin.
He went fishing with the rope but he was worried because if he caught a whale he'd be eaten.
He caught a whale and he was in there 100 days. When he tried to get out he saw a friend. The friend was a rat. The rat said, “I want you to punch the mouth.” The rat also said, “ When you punch him I want you to bite it too.”
The boy said, “I won't because he will get mad at me and swallow me down his throat!”
So the rat punched and bit the whale's mouth. The whale's mouth opened but the whale shut it too quickly for them to get out. So the rat punched him two times and bit him 2 times and the whale opened his mouth and this time it stayed open. The boy and the rat got out of the whale but when the rat got out he realized he couldn't swim and he was going to drown. Alex saved the rat and he swam up and the whale wanted to blow them up because they were on top of the whale's blow hole and the whale blew the water up and they were on a path back home.
On the path they saw a sign that showed Alex the way home but the sign said that Alex's Mommy and Daddy were on a trip and he had to make lunch by himself. He got home and he made a very tiny egg sandwich for the rat and a big one for himself. After the rat had eaten all his sandwich he was still hungry. He asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So the boy made both of them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
When they were done they were all full and they went to play outside. They were playing basketball. Alex was lifting the rat up to shoot because he couldn't reach the basket.
When it was nighttime Alex made a little bed for the rat. He put the rat's bed on top of his bed so they could be together but the rat was scared. He said, “Alex! I want you to cuddle me up cuz I'm scared!”
Alex replied, “When you go to sleep I will cuddle you up because you are scared.”
When it was morning they got up to play and dance. They put on a song and danced and danced but they got too tired. They played on Alex's computer to save up energy but the rat couldn't reach the keyboard. So Alex put the rat up next to the keyboard. The rat tried to play a game. He clicked the arrow. He was playing a moose game. The moose in the game had to find all the computers. There were 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 computers to find. They won!
When they finished the game it was nighttime and the rat wanted to play outside. They were playing in the dark with the snow. It had snowed while they were playing the computer. They got too cold and went inside to play. They played trucks, cars, and bulldozers. When they were done they decided to eat. After their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they decided to count to 20. Alex's parents came home after they finished counting to 20. They loved on Alex's parents. His parents liked the rat cuz the rat rat was speaking nicely to them. They said the rat could stay.
The End.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Exposure to TRUTH
On a blog that I frequently read, the subject of socialization of homeschoolers came up. Truthfully I avoid that discussion most of the time. Why? Because, for me, it's a non-issue. I have read so many things about what true socialization should be (relating to ALL different age groups not just your peers) and that studies have shown that homeschoolers generally are the ones who are more involved in their communities than public school kids. This is probably due to a lack of time for the PS kids. Homeschoolers tend to be (overall here- there are many exceptions I'm sure) more polite, better mannered, less rebellious, less concerned about peer pressure...etc, etc. Those skills lead to better conversations with people. They are able to socialize from a real standpoint. They aren't trying to be like everyone else. I could go on and on and on here...but I won't. Plus, if you want to argue the peer thing I have 3 boys all within a few years of each other so, in our house, we have that covered too. LOL End of discussion for me. :)
But I read and entered into the discussion because most of the other commenters were worried about the socialization issue and I wanted to give the future HS mommy some support.
Here's what baffled me...This comment came up in the discussion:
"How will they know how to stand up for themselves at an older age if they have never had to do it before?"
My first instinct was, honestly, a rolling of the eyes and then I laughed. I was completely baffled that that would be an argument for public school.
Is it possible to learn something before you actually have to use it?...yes.
Let's look at how that could be possible...
Some of this may seem ludicrous and nit picky to you but just try to stay with me as I make my point.
New diabetics practice giving shots to an orange before trying to give one to
themselves.
Some pilots practice on flight simulators before they take over a plane.
When you learn CPR you practice on a dummy first.
When I was painting my living room I practiced stamping the stamps on paper first so when I got to the wall I wouldn't ruin it.
Drs read TONS of how tos and take TONS of classes before they are allowed to practice on people.
My point is this- you CAN learn how to deal with something before you experience it so that when you experience it you will have the right information to deal with it properly.
Actually my first thought was: my kids have siblings. They are learning this skill every day. lol However, they are learning it with parents who are guiding them in the way they should go.
One of my kids is prone to bullying (it's a firstborn trait plus a personality thing). He knows how to "stand up for himself". In fact he knows how to just take what he wants too. :)
My second born is much more of a likely doormat. Thomas is the type to cave in to peer pressure. However, even he doesn't let his brother torment him endlessly. Plus we have taught him how to politely ask his brother to stop picking on him. Then if J doesn't stop Thomas is to come and get an adult to help him. He is not to hurt him back, etc.
This, I believe is consistent with real life. In real life if an adult is tormenting you, you can try to work it out with them and if they continue to hurt you or whatever you go to the authorities (bosses, police) instead of putting them in the hospital. That way you won't get into trouble too. :):):)
Even if you have an only child and socialization is more of a concern...do you go to Walmart where people are likely to be rude to you from time to time? Do you take your kids to parks, zoos, or to McDs play lands where they have to wait in line, share, and possibly be bullied by other children? If you do then you could cover that subject in those places. IMO kids don't need the extended program (aka 13-14 years of school) to learn that skill. (My husband said that if you don't get enough practice at those places all you have to do is take them to the Day After Thanksgiving Sale at Walmart!!-ROFL)
I heard an interesting view on the subject from my husband who heard it at a HS event we went to. The speaker was talking about how the people who check out counterfeit bills (the good guys - not the criminals) are first given real bills; over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. The point was for them to know the authentic thing SO WELL that they would immediately, or more easily, see the flaw in the counterfeit bills.
I want to show my kids the truth: over and over and over so they will know how to handle situations as they arise in their future.
Plus, and to most of you this goes without saying, I want them to learn Jesus' way of dealing with bullies, not the way most children and adolescents deal with them. Very different concept. :)
I don't want them to become doormats for others but neither do I want them hurting others back or taking revenge on others. I want them to show kindness to those who hurt them. I want them to pray for those who torment them. I want them to serve others in love. In fact I want to learn how to do all that better myself. heehee
I want to expose my kids to the Truth of God's Word so that when situations come up later they will have a chance to use the right knowledge, instead of how "everyone else" handles it.
Thank-you and goodnight!!
Many blessings!!- Angela :)
But I read and entered into the discussion because most of the other commenters were worried about the socialization issue and I wanted to give the future HS mommy some support.
Here's what baffled me...This comment came up in the discussion:
"How will they know how to stand up for themselves at an older age if they have never had to do it before?"
My first instinct was, honestly, a rolling of the eyes and then I laughed. I was completely baffled that that would be an argument for public school.
Is it possible to learn something before you actually have to use it?...yes.
Let's look at how that could be possible...
Some of this may seem ludicrous and nit picky to you but just try to stay with me as I make my point.
New diabetics practice giving shots to an orange before trying to give one to
themselves.
Some pilots practice on flight simulators before they take over a plane.
When you learn CPR you practice on a dummy first.
When I was painting my living room I practiced stamping the stamps on paper first so when I got to the wall I wouldn't ruin it.
Drs read TONS of how tos and take TONS of classes before they are allowed to practice on people.
My point is this- you CAN learn how to deal with something before you experience it so that when you experience it you will have the right information to deal with it properly.
Actually my first thought was: my kids have siblings. They are learning this skill every day. lol However, they are learning it with parents who are guiding them in the way they should go.
One of my kids is prone to bullying (it's a firstborn trait plus a personality thing). He knows how to "stand up for himself". In fact he knows how to just take what he wants too. :)
My second born is much more of a likely doormat. Thomas is the type to cave in to peer pressure. However, even he doesn't let his brother torment him endlessly. Plus we have taught him how to politely ask his brother to stop picking on him. Then if J doesn't stop Thomas is to come and get an adult to help him. He is not to hurt him back, etc.
This, I believe is consistent with real life. In real life if an adult is tormenting you, you can try to work it out with them and if they continue to hurt you or whatever you go to the authorities (bosses, police) instead of putting them in the hospital. That way you won't get into trouble too. :):):)
Even if you have an only child and socialization is more of a concern...do you go to Walmart where people are likely to be rude to you from time to time? Do you take your kids to parks, zoos, or to McDs play lands where they have to wait in line, share, and possibly be bullied by other children? If you do then you could cover that subject in those places. IMO kids don't need the extended program (aka 13-14 years of school) to learn that skill. (My husband said that if you don't get enough practice at those places all you have to do is take them to the Day After Thanksgiving Sale at Walmart!!-ROFL)
I heard an interesting view on the subject from my husband who heard it at a HS event we went to. The speaker was talking about how the people who check out counterfeit bills (the good guys - not the criminals) are first given real bills; over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. The point was for them to know the authentic thing SO WELL that they would immediately, or more easily, see the flaw in the counterfeit bills.
I want to show my kids the truth: over and over and over so they will know how to handle situations as they arise in their future.
Plus, and to most of you this goes without saying, I want them to learn Jesus' way of dealing with bullies, not the way most children and adolescents deal with them. Very different concept. :)
I don't want them to become doormats for others but neither do I want them hurting others back or taking revenge on others. I want them to show kindness to those who hurt them. I want them to pray for those who torment them. I want them to serve others in love. In fact I want to learn how to do all that better myself. heehee
I want to expose my kids to the Truth of God's Word so that when situations come up later they will have a chance to use the right knowledge, instead of how "everyone else" handles it.
Thank-you and goodnight!!
Many blessings!!- Angela :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
What's Wrong With Sheltering?
Sheltering...
That word alone can send chills down a person's spine. A lot of people disagree on how much to shelter a child but no matter where your personal beliefs on the subject are, I think that MOST people agree that a certain amount of sheltering is appropriate.
What freaks people out is those of us who homeschool and therefore shelter our children. Many people think we are doing it out of fear and control. Maybe some are.
I look at the PS system (as a whole ) and think there are serious problems with the system itself. There are many great teachers out there who actually care about students and love to teach but the system itself is a MESS. Rewriting history, Not being about to say Mother and Father, unisex bathrooms, evolution as fact instead of a theory, sex ed questionnaires in first grade!! etc, etc, etc, etc...
That's not even the part that gets scary. Guns in school, drugs rampant in some schools and present in most, rebellion run wild, poor control in the classroom due to lax discipline, children stuck in classrooms where teachers not only hate teaching but dislike kids as well (this is not the norm but it does happen), peer pressure, sex, etc, etc, etc.
Just because we've always done something a certain way doesn't mean it's the right way. It doesn't mean it's the better way. It doesn't automatically make it the wise way.
People get all uptight about us sheltering our kids but for crying out loud...if I can shelter my 6 year old from sex ed, evolution as fact, allowing his flesh to run rampant in a classroom where the teacher has little control, guns ,etc. Then by golly I'm going to.
I have said it before and I'll say it again. The reason our family homeschools is because that's what we feel God wants us to do for our kids. The benefits of it are too numerous to list. One day I will write a post on it. I promise. :):):)
I hear the "salt and light" argument over and over and I've got to say that while I think it's possible for Spirit filled kids (aka kids who have chosen a relationship with Jesus and have the Holy Spirit living inside of them) to be a light, I think that it may be fewer and farther btwn than we want to think it is. Plus, sending a 5 year old Kindergartners to school to be "salt and light" is like sending a new recruit in the army (who is in the beginning of training) straight to the front lines and expecting them to do a good job. It would be overwhelming to the new soldier and it could cost him his life. It would be overwhelming for a Christian child for the same reason. It could cost that child years of rebuilding things in their walk with the Lord if they get sucked into the wrong stuff.
I was a PS child. I wanted to be salt and light. I think I was many times but I did some things that I'm not proud of. Not sex, drugs, rock and roll, etc. but more to do with rebellion in my heart towards my parents, etc.
Kids do tend to copy/imitate. Who/what do we want them imitating? That's the question.
Sure it's "normal" to send 4 year olds off to preschool to "socialize" but what are they imitating?
Sin is "normal" too but we don't let that reign in the lives of the precious ones God has given us to raise.
Just because something is "normal" doesn't make it the wise/better choice.
I heard the BEST quote one time from a homeschool mom. She said, "We are sheltering our children until they are able to shelter themselves."
I thought that was an AWESOME way to put it. We, as adults, do not allow ourselves to go places, do things, say things, we know are wrong. Kids are often not good at making those kinds of decisions (some adults aren't either-lol). Taking the pressure away until they are able to make wise decisions sounds good to me.
I am not the most perfect example of Jesus to my kids. I do a lot of things wrong. I hope though that my kids see my humility when I apologize to God, and to them if I've hurt their feelings, and keep persevering toward the ultimate prize.
I'm personally grateful that we shelter our kids. They answer questions honestly without the fear of peer pressure. They think for themselves without trying to fit in. Their answers about who they are and how God made them are incredible. At their age I was way too worried what people thought of me. I didn't see myself in light of how God saw me but how people saw me. My kids seem to have a better handle on that then I did (or do some days-heehee).
Their academic answers often break molds. They are not trying to memorize answers for tests that measure the way a certain author or teacher thinks. They are using their heads and using deductive reasoning...
example:
For science the other day we were reviewing the 5 senses. They were suppose to tell me the things in the row that they could both see and hear at the same time. The pics were a bell, an apple, and a frog. They both said the bell and frog and Judah said, "and the apple." I knew what he was thinking because it's what I was thinking too. I asked him,"how do you hear an apple?" His reply was, "when you cut it." Right on kiddo! (I was thinking of when you bite it but same general gist.)
I didn't tell him that his answer was wrong. I didn't care what the textbook wanted. I cared that he was LEARNING, he was THINKING, he was DEDUCTING. In a couple of years when their thirst for learning is well grounded I will explain to him what the textbook it looking for and why but for now...I'm going to encourage him to think outside the box. That's another benefit of sheltering. He doesn't know what everyone else thinks. He doesn't parrot. He thinks for himself. I love it.
He does go to Sunday School and Awana and tells me he is in Kindergarten. I smile and tell him that he is in first grade. He laughs and tells me that I'm wrong. (What do I know anyway!!lol) So, on some level he does want to be like others in a harmless way. :) It's good for him to interact with his peers for limited hours each week in a very supervised environment, just not 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week.
I want my kids to have a good grasp of the truth, a good grounding in the Word, and a solid relationship with Jesus before I turn them loose in the world. I want them to succeed as much as any other parent does.
Incidentally, I don't think it's a Scriptural mandate that Christians must homeschool their kids. I just think it's an easier way to disciple my children then sending them off to a classroom most of their lives to be "discipled" and trained by someone else.
Well that's an eye full so I'll stop now.
Many blessings to both PS and homeschool families!
-Angela :)
EDITED TO ADD:
I just saw the funniest quote online today. It comes from an article in World Net Daily. Socialization of Homeschoolers.
"There is a joke that goes something like this: "I used to be worried about the socialization of my homeschooled child, but now I don't worry. Everyday I take my 8-year-old to the bathroom, beat him up, cuss him out and offer him drugs."
That word alone can send chills down a person's spine. A lot of people disagree on how much to shelter a child but no matter where your personal beliefs on the subject are, I think that MOST people agree that a certain amount of sheltering is appropriate.
What freaks people out is those of us who homeschool and therefore shelter our children. Many people think we are doing it out of fear and control. Maybe some are.
I look at the PS system (as a whole ) and think there are serious problems with the system itself. There are many great teachers out there who actually care about students and love to teach but the system itself is a MESS. Rewriting history, Not being about to say Mother and Father, unisex bathrooms, evolution as fact instead of a theory, sex ed questionnaires in first grade!! etc, etc, etc, etc...
That's not even the part that gets scary. Guns in school, drugs rampant in some schools and present in most, rebellion run wild, poor control in the classroom due to lax discipline, children stuck in classrooms where teachers not only hate teaching but dislike kids as well (this is not the norm but it does happen), peer pressure, sex, etc, etc, etc.
Just because we've always done something a certain way doesn't mean it's the right way. It doesn't mean it's the better way. It doesn't automatically make it the wise way.
People get all uptight about us sheltering our kids but for crying out loud...if I can shelter my 6 year old from sex ed, evolution as fact, allowing his flesh to run rampant in a classroom where the teacher has little control, guns ,etc. Then by golly I'm going to.
I have said it before and I'll say it again. The reason our family homeschools is because that's what we feel God wants us to do for our kids. The benefits of it are too numerous to list. One day I will write a post on it. I promise. :):):)
I hear the "salt and light" argument over and over and I've got to say that while I think it's possible for Spirit filled kids (aka kids who have chosen a relationship with Jesus and have the Holy Spirit living inside of them) to be a light, I think that it may be fewer and farther btwn than we want to think it is. Plus, sending a 5 year old Kindergartners to school to be "salt and light" is like sending a new recruit in the army (who is in the beginning of training) straight to the front lines and expecting them to do a good job. It would be overwhelming to the new soldier and it could cost him his life. It would be overwhelming for a Christian child for the same reason. It could cost that child years of rebuilding things in their walk with the Lord if they get sucked into the wrong stuff.
I was a PS child. I wanted to be salt and light. I think I was many times but I did some things that I'm not proud of. Not sex, drugs, rock and roll, etc. but more to do with rebellion in my heart towards my parents, etc.
Kids do tend to copy/imitate. Who/what do we want them imitating? That's the question.
Sure it's "normal" to send 4 year olds off to preschool to "socialize" but what are they imitating?
Sin is "normal" too but we don't let that reign in the lives of the precious ones God has given us to raise.
Just because something is "normal" doesn't make it the wise/better choice.
I heard the BEST quote one time from a homeschool mom. She said, "We are sheltering our children until they are able to shelter themselves."
I thought that was an AWESOME way to put it. We, as adults, do not allow ourselves to go places, do things, say things, we know are wrong. Kids are often not good at making those kinds of decisions (some adults aren't either-lol). Taking the pressure away until they are able to make wise decisions sounds good to me.
I am not the most perfect example of Jesus to my kids. I do a lot of things wrong. I hope though that my kids see my humility when I apologize to God, and to them if I've hurt their feelings, and keep persevering toward the ultimate prize.
I'm personally grateful that we shelter our kids. They answer questions honestly without the fear of peer pressure. They think for themselves without trying to fit in. Their answers about who they are and how God made them are incredible. At their age I was way too worried what people thought of me. I didn't see myself in light of how God saw me but how people saw me. My kids seem to have a better handle on that then I did (or do some days-heehee).
Their academic answers often break molds. They are not trying to memorize answers for tests that measure the way a certain author or teacher thinks. They are using their heads and using deductive reasoning...
example:
For science the other day we were reviewing the 5 senses. They were suppose to tell me the things in the row that they could both see and hear at the same time. The pics were a bell, an apple, and a frog. They both said the bell and frog and Judah said, "and the apple." I knew what he was thinking because it's what I was thinking too. I asked him,"how do you hear an apple?" His reply was, "when you cut it." Right on kiddo! (I was thinking of when you bite it but same general gist.)
I didn't tell him that his answer was wrong. I didn't care what the textbook wanted. I cared that he was LEARNING, he was THINKING, he was DEDUCTING. In a couple of years when their thirst for learning is well grounded I will explain to him what the textbook it looking for and why but for now...I'm going to encourage him to think outside the box. That's another benefit of sheltering. He doesn't know what everyone else thinks. He doesn't parrot. He thinks for himself. I love it.
He does go to Sunday School and Awana and tells me he is in Kindergarten. I smile and tell him that he is in first grade. He laughs and tells me that I'm wrong. (What do I know anyway!!lol) So, on some level he does want to be like others in a harmless way. :) It's good for him to interact with his peers for limited hours each week in a very supervised environment, just not 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week.
I want my kids to have a good grasp of the truth, a good grounding in the Word, and a solid relationship with Jesus before I turn them loose in the world. I want them to succeed as much as any other parent does.
Incidentally, I don't think it's a Scriptural mandate that Christians must homeschool their kids. I just think it's an easier way to disciple my children then sending them off to a classroom most of their lives to be "discipled" and trained by someone else.
Well that's an eye full so I'll stop now.
Many blessings to both PS and homeschool families!
-Angela :)
EDITED TO ADD:
I just saw the funniest quote online today. It comes from an article in World Net Daily. Socialization of Homeschoolers.
"There is a joke that goes something like this: "I used to be worried about the socialization of my homeschooled child, but now I don't worry. Everyday I take my 8-year-old to the bathroom, beat him up, cuss him out and offer him drugs."
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Garlic, Garlic, and MORE Garlic
Well. our house smells like an Italian eatery or a huge plate of shrimp scampi. I can't decide which. The kids were complaining that their ears hurt so we started the garlic oil in the ears. All three of them. You can only imagine. Thank goodness I like garlic. Thomas has not complained of pain for 24 hrs now. One day of garlicking works WONDERS on an ear infection.
Judah asked if he could eat the garlic gel tabs. I said, "Yeah, that's what they're for." I got busy changing a yucky diaper and when I turned around I told him to stop eating. It looked like he had eaten about 3. When I opened the bottle this morning to get some out I realized he had eaten A LOT! Thankfully garlic won't kill you but at 17.00 a bottle it just about did me in. LOL We still have plenty for this go around and since it doesn't compromise your immune system like antibiotics do I was SO HAPPY to use it...even if it does smell like lasagna all day. :):) Maybe that's what we should have for dinner tomorrow night. At least it would go with the scent in the house. It may even enhance the taste of the dish. LOL
Gotta go to bed. (as if you couldn't tell) :):):)
Blessings Everyone!-
Angela
Judah asked if he could eat the garlic gel tabs. I said, "Yeah, that's what they're for." I got busy changing a yucky diaper and when I turned around I told him to stop eating. It looked like he had eaten about 3. When I opened the bottle this morning to get some out I realized he had eaten A LOT! Thankfully garlic won't kill you but at 17.00 a bottle it just about did me in. LOL We still have plenty for this go around and since it doesn't compromise your immune system like antibiotics do I was SO HAPPY to use it...even if it does smell like lasagna all day. :):) Maybe that's what we should have for dinner tomorrow night. At least it would go with the scent in the house. It may even enhance the taste of the dish. LOL
Gotta go to bed. (as if you couldn't tell) :):):)
Blessings Everyone!-
Angela
Friday, March 14, 2008
Desperate Times...
call for desperate measures.
And we have reached one of those in childtraining.
One of our older boys has become horribly disrespectful lately. This is the child who would argue with a brick wall if he thought he could win. I get easily caught up in arguing back. I want him to understand. I want him to use his mind. Instead it was turning into ugly arguments that I certainly didn't need to be having with him.
Personally (and I know people who disagree) I think that it's good to explain the whys of parenting. I want my kids to understand WHY I am telling them to do something so that they can start to make wise, thoughtful, decisions themselves. This does not mean that I don't play the parent card. (Because I said so! That's why!) I do, but a lot of the time I do tell my boys why the rule is what it is or the command is what it is. I DON'T do that with toddlers. That would be a waste of time. :)
Most of the time my kids don't even have to ask why because I've already included it in the command. example: "Go put your pants on before we leave because it's cold outside."
Anyway, lately, the why explainations have only given him further grounds to try to argue his way out of something or explain WHY he won't do it or doesn't want to do it. I am quick to catch the word, "No!" said by a defiant child but since he was being more subtley defiant I didn't always catch it before I got sucked into an argument. The proper response is, "Yes, ma'am, yes sir." That's it. We have told him this over and over. Any other response is disobediance. Today I realized that I would have to go one step further. I told the child that for a while I would be offering NO explainations. He would just have to be ignorant of the WHY because he was arguing instead of learning the reasons behind things.
This is an example of before today...
(S will stand for son here)
Me- S, go put pants on before we go. It's cold outside.
S- But I don't get as cold as you. (which is true) Can't I wear shorts?
Me- No, you just got over being sick.
S- But I'm not sick now.
Me- I know but you're still wearing pants now go and change.
S- But it's hot outside.
and on and on ad nauseum.
Generally speaking I state why so they will learn. I explain that pants are worn in cold weather so that we don't get chilled and our bodies don't fall prey to bacteria. :)
This is how the conversation should have gone.
Me- S, go put pants on before we go. It's cold outside.
S- But I don't get as cold as you. (which is true) Can't I wear shorts?
(said as he is ON HIS WAY TO OBEY)
Me- No, you just got over being sick.
S- Yes, Ma'am! (cheerfully running off to obey)
This is how the new system works...
Me- S, go put pants on before we go.
S- Yes ma'am.
Well, that's how it's supposed to work. We are in the beginning stages. This is what it looks like right now...
Me- S, go put pants on before we go.
S- Why?
Me- You are not getting a reason. You just have to obey. Now, go put on pants.
S- (SIGH) Okaaaay
Me- Excuse me?!
S- Yes ma'am.
Me- That's better. Hurry up we have to go. :)
And we have reached one of those in childtraining.
One of our older boys has become horribly disrespectful lately. This is the child who would argue with a brick wall if he thought he could win. I get easily caught up in arguing back. I want him to understand. I want him to use his mind. Instead it was turning into ugly arguments that I certainly didn't need to be having with him.
Personally (and I know people who disagree) I think that it's good to explain the whys of parenting. I want my kids to understand WHY I am telling them to do something so that they can start to make wise, thoughtful, decisions themselves. This does not mean that I don't play the parent card. (Because I said so! That's why!) I do, but a lot of the time I do tell my boys why the rule is what it is or the command is what it is. I DON'T do that with toddlers. That would be a waste of time. :)
Most of the time my kids don't even have to ask why because I've already included it in the command. example: "Go put your pants on before we leave because it's cold outside."
Anyway, lately, the why explainations have only given him further grounds to try to argue his way out of something or explain WHY he won't do it or doesn't want to do it. I am quick to catch the word, "No!" said by a defiant child but since he was being more subtley defiant I didn't always catch it before I got sucked into an argument. The proper response is, "Yes, ma'am, yes sir." That's it. We have told him this over and over. Any other response is disobediance. Today I realized that I would have to go one step further. I told the child that for a while I would be offering NO explainations. He would just have to be ignorant of the WHY because he was arguing instead of learning the reasons behind things.
This is an example of before today...
(S will stand for son here)
Me- S, go put pants on before we go. It's cold outside.
S- But I don't get as cold as you. (which is true) Can't I wear shorts?
Me- No, you just got over being sick.
S- But I'm not sick now.
Me- I know but you're still wearing pants now go and change.
S- But it's hot outside.
and on and on ad nauseum.
Generally speaking I state why so they will learn. I explain that pants are worn in cold weather so that we don't get chilled and our bodies don't fall prey to bacteria. :)
This is how the conversation should have gone.
Me- S, go put pants on before we go. It's cold outside.
S- But I don't get as cold as you. (which is true) Can't I wear shorts?
(said as he is ON HIS WAY TO OBEY)
Me- No, you just got over being sick.
S- Yes, Ma'am! (cheerfully running off to obey)
This is how the new system works...
Me- S, go put pants on before we go.
S- Yes ma'am.
Well, that's how it's supposed to work. We are in the beginning stages. This is what it looks like right now...
Me- S, go put pants on before we go.
S- Why?
Me- You are not getting a reason. You just have to obey. Now, go put on pants.
S- (SIGH) Okaaaay
Me- Excuse me?!
S- Yes ma'am.
Me- That's better. Hurry up we have to go. :)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Biblical Trump Verses
:):):) I'm sure some of you know where I am going with this, before I even start, just from reading the title. :):):)
I get very tired of Biblical discussions where verses are thrown around almost like, "This is the GREATEST COMMANDMENT..."
A lot of you probably read Amy's Humble Musings and there was a quiverfull debate recently over there in which Amy so eloquently pointed out-
“Be fruitful” isn’t the trump verse of the Bible. If we were looking for the trump verse, it would have to be Jesus’ words to love God and love our neighbor. He already told us the main thing. (Question to myself: How well am I doing that?) How can we avoid one verse becoming the measuring stick of the condition of our hearts and the vehicle in which churches and groups are built upon?"
I agree that the trump verse of the Bible is this:
Matthew 22:36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
I love to debate as much as the next person. I like to rip ideas/traditions apart to see if they stand on Biblical truth or man's variation of it.
What I don't like are debates where people get self-righteous and form "camps" which destroy unity.
Tonya (Kissack) put it best over at Tia's blog during a wonderful semi-heated discussion on gender roles in the family and church:
"I think if we drop the labels (complimentarian and egalitarian for those of you not reading the awesome study) and just go for understanding the Bible in humility, we'll all be in unity. Maybe not in every little detail, but at least we won't be in different camps lobbing "OH YEAH! Well get a load o' THIS!" at each other."
I think that labels are fine sometimes to aid in understanding but when we are debating brothers and sisters in Christ we can easily forget that we are ALL on Jesus' side and just have different views about some things.
The other danger to labels in debates is that we get all caught up and forget that we might actually learn something from someone who doesn't agree with us.
For example, I joined a message board that has mostly conservative believers on it. Most of these people are parents. The discussion actually came up, "Would you (as a homeschool parent) attend a church where the pastor sent his kids to public school?"
I thought that was a pretty over the edge question..until I started reading the responses and it seemed like the MAJORITY of the parents said, "No." There were a variety of reasons for the no answer but I was still SHOCKED! I have never in my life picked a church to attend based on anything like that. I think you SHOULD look at the character of the leaders in a local body and be sure they are teaching SOUND Biblical teaching but their lives may not look just like mine. That doesn't mean I cannot learn from them. That doesn't mean they are not Godly. To say that they are not as spiritual or are worldly because they use the PS system and to go on to say that they wouldn't feel comfortable under their leadership FLOORED me. It sounded like pride to me. Now, if the pastor was allowing (key word is ALLOWING) his kids to experiment with drugs, sex, etc. then no, I would not feel comfortable under his authority.
My point is this: Just because everyone doesn't believe the same way does not mean we cannot learn from each other and dwell in unity. We can discuss, debate, and disagree in a loving way (I do it all the time.) but at the end of the day we need to remember that we are ON THE SAME TEAM!
"And these three remain; faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love."
I get very tired of Biblical discussions where verses are thrown around almost like, "This is the GREATEST COMMANDMENT..."
A lot of you probably read Amy's Humble Musings and there was a quiverfull debate recently over there in which Amy so eloquently pointed out-
“Be fruitful” isn’t the trump verse of the Bible. If we were looking for the trump verse, it would have to be Jesus’ words to love God and love our neighbor. He already told us the main thing. (Question to myself: How well am I doing that?) How can we avoid one verse becoming the measuring stick of the condition of our hearts and the vehicle in which churches and groups are built upon?"
I agree that the trump verse of the Bible is this:
Matthew 22:36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
I love to debate as much as the next person. I like to rip ideas/traditions apart to see if they stand on Biblical truth or man's variation of it.
What I don't like are debates where people get self-righteous and form "camps" which destroy unity.
Tonya (Kissack) put it best over at Tia's blog during a wonderful semi-heated discussion on gender roles in the family and church:
"I think if we drop the labels (complimentarian and egalitarian for those of you not reading the awesome study) and just go for understanding the Bible in humility, we'll all be in unity. Maybe not in every little detail, but at least we won't be in different camps lobbing "OH YEAH! Well get a load o' THIS!" at each other."
I think that labels are fine sometimes to aid in understanding but when we are debating brothers and sisters in Christ we can easily forget that we are ALL on Jesus' side and just have different views about some things.
The other danger to labels in debates is that we get all caught up and forget that we might actually learn something from someone who doesn't agree with us.
For example, I joined a message board that has mostly conservative believers on it. Most of these people are parents. The discussion actually came up, "Would you (as a homeschool parent) attend a church where the pastor sent his kids to public school?"
I thought that was a pretty over the edge question..until I started reading the responses and it seemed like the MAJORITY of the parents said, "No." There were a variety of reasons for the no answer but I was still SHOCKED! I have never in my life picked a church to attend based on anything like that. I think you SHOULD look at the character of the leaders in a local body and be sure they are teaching SOUND Biblical teaching but their lives may not look just like mine. That doesn't mean I cannot learn from them. That doesn't mean they are not Godly. To say that they are not as spiritual or are worldly because they use the PS system and to go on to say that they wouldn't feel comfortable under their leadership FLOORED me. It sounded like pride to me. Now, if the pastor was allowing (key word is ALLOWING) his kids to experiment with drugs, sex, etc. then no, I would not feel comfortable under his authority.
My point is this: Just because everyone doesn't believe the same way does not mean we cannot learn from each other and dwell in unity. We can discuss, debate, and disagree in a loving way (I do it all the time.) but at the end of the day we need to remember that we are ON THE SAME TEAM!
"And these three remain; faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love."
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Time- Quantity vs Quality
***WARNING***
The next statement is a bit tongue and cheek. Be not offended. :)
I think that the phrase QUALITY TIME was made up to ease the guilt of those who were not able or were not willing to spend large amounts of time with their children (or others).
**End of statement. Now back to your slightly sarcastic, semi-gracious programming.
I also think that it is, most of the time, not attainable to the degree people want it to be. Allow me to explain...
A few years ago my brilliant, adorable, wonderful husband said something like this, "I don't think that you can have true quality time without quantity time. The more you know the person, the better the quality when you are together. If you only gave someone 5 minutes of your time a day could that really be possible for it to be true quality time"?
I agreed with him at the time. (Because that's what a real helpmeet does right? I'm TOTALLY KIDDING. That is a remark thrown in for those who are reading Tia's study.)
But I really did agree with him and have thought about it from time to time.
It makes perfect sense. (My husband is WAY too logical sometimes but this time it came in handy.-heehee) Let me give you an explanation...
Say I'm trying to get to know someone. Let's use Tia for example. (You don't mind, do you Tia?) Say that every time we met we only had 10-15 minutes to get to know each other. Say that we only got together 4 days a week. Is that really enough time for most of us to build a deep relationship? No. In 10 minutes you barely have time to peek over the walls most of us have up at the beginning of a relationship.
Our kids/spouses are complex people with complex emotions, ideas, desires, dreams, etc. We need QUANTITY time to really get to know people.
Now it is definitely possible to have quantity time with NO quality involved. But it's not very probable to have quality time with little or very limited quantity time.
I'll close with a personal example.
I just left a comment on another person's blog who was asking us to tell her "how you tie heartstrings with your children.
What do you do to gain their trust?"
This is what I wrote:
TIME
Not just "quality time" but quantity time!! Much quantity time since most of the time I must be within earshot of my boys to catch any little needed training moments. We are almost always together since I am a SAHM who homeschools but lately the middle child (almost 5 years old) has been heard saying, "Mommy I haven't seen you all day." At first I was like, "What?! I've been with you ALLLLLL day long." What he was really saying was, "We didn't play much together today."
So I try for much quality time in the midst of all the quantity time. Thankfully the boys love to "do school" so they think that that's bonding time as well.
Now, quit reading and go have some quantity/quality time with those you love. :)
Blessings!- Angela :)
The next statement is a bit tongue and cheek. Be not offended. :)
I think that the phrase QUALITY TIME was made up to ease the guilt of those who were not able or were not willing to spend large amounts of time with their children (or others).
**End of statement. Now back to your slightly sarcastic, semi-gracious programming.
I also think that it is, most of the time, not attainable to the degree people want it to be. Allow me to explain...
A few years ago my brilliant, adorable, wonderful husband said something like this, "I don't think that you can have true quality time without quantity time. The more you know the person, the better the quality when you are together. If you only gave someone 5 minutes of your time a day could that really be possible for it to be true quality time"?
I agreed with him at the time. (Because that's what a real helpmeet does right? I'm TOTALLY KIDDING. That is a remark thrown in for those who are reading Tia's study.)
But I really did agree with him and have thought about it from time to time.
It makes perfect sense. (My husband is WAY too logical sometimes but this time it came in handy.-heehee) Let me give you an explanation...
Say I'm trying to get to know someone. Let's use Tia for example. (You don't mind, do you Tia?) Say that every time we met we only had 10-15 minutes to get to know each other. Say that we only got together 4 days a week. Is that really enough time for most of us to build a deep relationship? No. In 10 minutes you barely have time to peek over the walls most of us have up at the beginning of a relationship.
Our kids/spouses are complex people with complex emotions, ideas, desires, dreams, etc. We need QUANTITY time to really get to know people.
Now it is definitely possible to have quantity time with NO quality involved. But it's not very probable to have quality time with little or very limited quantity time.
I'll close with a personal example.
I just left a comment on another person's blog who was asking us to tell her "how you tie heartstrings with your children.
What do you do to gain their trust?"
This is what I wrote:
TIME
Not just "quality time" but quantity time!! Much quantity time since most of the time I must be within earshot of my boys to catch any little needed training moments. We are almost always together since I am a SAHM who homeschools but lately the middle child (almost 5 years old) has been heard saying, "Mommy I haven't seen you all day." At first I was like, "What?! I've been with you ALLLLLL day long." What he was really saying was, "We didn't play much together today."
So I try for much quality time in the midst of all the quantity time. Thankfully the boys love to "do school" so they think that that's bonding time as well.
Now, quit reading and go have some quantity/quality time with those you love. :)
Blessings!- Angela :)
Daddy Moments
Because of the crazy work schedule Michael has had for the last 7 years, the boys don't always get as much time with him as he or they would like. There is only so much a Mommy can give three little boys (even a tough tomboy Mommy like me). Boys NEED Daddies!!
Today Michael let our new driver go alone for part of the day. He had K drop him off in town and he walked to some errands. We (the boys and I) finished up school and met him in town. We took the van to get it serviced/washed/vacuumed and while that was happening we went across the street to McDs to have a family lunch. The boys were REALLY excited to see Daddy during the day and we had great fun watching them play on the slide and the playground there. :)
My husband is a super fabulous father!! I have often said that that's why our children are still sane. lol
Family time with Daddy is the BEST!!
Blessings!-Angela :)
Today Michael let our new driver go alone for part of the day. He had K drop him off in town and he walked to some errands. We (the boys and I) finished up school and met him in town. We took the van to get it serviced/washed/vacuumed and while that was happening we went across the street to McDs to have a family lunch. The boys were REALLY excited to see Daddy during the day and we had great fun watching them play on the slide and the playground there. :)
My husband is a super fabulous father!! I have often said that that's why our children are still sane. lol
Family time with Daddy is the BEST!!
Blessings!-Angela :)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Self Tag-haha
One of the fabulous women I read (Jane on my sidebar) has issued a tag for whomever wants to do it. Since I have a few moments and this one looked interesting I'll do it. :)
First you are supposed to post the rules and, being the rule follower that I am, here they are:
1) Link to the person who tagged you. (I STILL cannot figure out how to link without the who address. I would like to use a word or a name but don't know how. Somebody help me please!!)
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.
I got this one from Jane (You'll have to click on my sidebar to get the link-SORRY!)
1. I can't stand feet.
I get REALLY grossed out if I have to sit next to someone's feet. Feet are yucky! I don't even want my husband to sit his feet next to me.
No, this does not cause a prob during "you know what". (There are more important things going on at that time. Probably TMI- too much information- but there HAD to be someone out there thinking that!!)
2. I don't like to make lunch for my family. Lunch somehow irritates me. It's almost like I think, "break time"! oops- not for me. lol
The really good thing is that my boys LOVE PB&J sandwiches. They have probably gotten that for lunch 99 percent of their lives. The funny thing is that every so often I figure they must be tired of it and die to myself and offer to make something else. They almost always respond with, "No, I want a PB &J sandwich."
Yes I use the all natural peanut butter (peanuts and salt baby!!) and the fruit spreads with no added sugar.
3. When eating cake I still scrape off all the frosting and eat it last in one (or two if I'm really lucky) big bite. That's the best part and I save it for last.
My dad saw me do this when I turned 18 or 19 and asked me if I was actually still doing that. I replied that I never intend to stop. I'm 31 and I still do it so the chances of doing it till I die are pretty good. :)
4. I really can't believe that I'm admitting this because people will be laughing at me for DAYS but here it is...you know the cake thing...well, when I'm eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (after all- what other flavor is there?) I put a bite in my mouth, suck off all the ice cream around the cookie dough bites, slip the bites back out of my mouth onto my spoon, and place them back into the bowl to eat last. I like to save the best part for last. :)
I only do this when nobody but my husband and kids are around BTW.
5. I can sleep anywhere if I'm tired.
Case and point- one time during high school I was SO tired from all the extra curricular activities that I went into the choir robe room, took two hard plastic choir chairs, pushed them together, laid down, and FELL ASLEEP on that uneven, hard, terribly uncomfortable surface. :)
6. Poor grammar skills really bug me.
If I hear someone speaking incorrectly (saying who instead of whom, I'm done instead of I'm finished, there are too many more to list but you get the point) I just CRINGE inside. I cringe when I do it too. :) Thankfully I've learned not to correct the person verbally. That is a sure way to lose friends. :)
p.s. It's really late so DON'T feel free to point out any mistakes I have made in this post. haha!
OK, I tag Ginger, Jenn Kozak, Tia (You can do it after you finish that wonderful series over at your blog. I wouldn't want to break that up.), Christy, Terry, and Tiffany.
Blessings everyone!!
-Angela :)
First you are supposed to post the rules and, being the rule follower that I am, here they are:
1) Link to the person who tagged you. (I STILL cannot figure out how to link without the who address. I would like to use a word or a name but don't know how. Somebody help me please!!)
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.
I got this one from Jane (You'll have to click on my sidebar to get the link-SORRY!)
1. I can't stand feet.
I get REALLY grossed out if I have to sit next to someone's feet. Feet are yucky! I don't even want my husband to sit his feet next to me.
No, this does not cause a prob during "you know what". (There are more important things going on at that time. Probably TMI- too much information- but there HAD to be someone out there thinking that!!)
2. I don't like to make lunch for my family. Lunch somehow irritates me. It's almost like I think, "break time"! oops- not for me. lol
The really good thing is that my boys LOVE PB&J sandwiches. They have probably gotten that for lunch 99 percent of their lives. The funny thing is that every so often I figure they must be tired of it and die to myself and offer to make something else. They almost always respond with, "No, I want a PB &J sandwich."
Yes I use the all natural peanut butter (peanuts and salt baby!!) and the fruit spreads with no added sugar.
3. When eating cake I still scrape off all the frosting and eat it last in one (or two if I'm really lucky) big bite. That's the best part and I save it for last.
My dad saw me do this when I turned 18 or 19 and asked me if I was actually still doing that. I replied that I never intend to stop. I'm 31 and I still do it so the chances of doing it till I die are pretty good. :)
4. I really can't believe that I'm admitting this because people will be laughing at me for DAYS but here it is...you know the cake thing...well, when I'm eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (after all- what other flavor is there?) I put a bite in my mouth, suck off all the ice cream around the cookie dough bites, slip the bites back out of my mouth onto my spoon, and place them back into the bowl to eat last. I like to save the best part for last. :)
I only do this when nobody but my husband and kids are around BTW.
5. I can sleep anywhere if I'm tired.
Case and point- one time during high school I was SO tired from all the extra curricular activities that I went into the choir robe room, took two hard plastic choir chairs, pushed them together, laid down, and FELL ASLEEP on that uneven, hard, terribly uncomfortable surface. :)
6. Poor grammar skills really bug me.
If I hear someone speaking incorrectly (saying who instead of whom, I'm done instead of I'm finished, there are too many more to list but you get the point) I just CRINGE inside. I cringe when I do it too. :) Thankfully I've learned not to correct the person verbally. That is a sure way to lose friends. :)
p.s. It's really late so DON'T feel free to point out any mistakes I have made in this post. haha!
OK, I tag Ginger, Jenn Kozak, Tia (You can do it after you finish that wonderful series over at your blog. I wouldn't want to break that up.), Christy, Terry, and Tiffany.
Blessings everyone!!
-Angela :)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Random Musings
Best Mommy moment of 2008
First of all I want to start with the most WONDERFUL Mommy moment that I've had in a while. I also want to preface that this is the child that I am dealing with constantly right now with disrespect, always wanting things his way, etc. There has been a lot of talking and (ahem) correction the last month or so.
Yesterday evening I was taking something out of the fridge and he came up to me and said (keep in mind that this child is four almost 5 years old)...
T- You're a good Mommy.
Me- Why? How am I a good Mommy.
T- You spank me, you teach me in homeschool, you love me."
He proceeded to throw his little arms around my neck and give me the best hug which I reciprocated of course. :)
While he was eating dinner a little bit later I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Thomas, you make my heart so happy." He replied, "You make mine happy too."
Personal Reflection
I have noticed that when I am irritated/angry with one person that I am irritated/angry with everyone. I don't compartmentalize that very well. I have realized of late that when I do that I am actually obeying my emotions instead of the Holy Spirit. Example: if I get mad at person A then I will be VERY likely to snap at person B. At that point I am letting my emotions lead and not God. I realized this a little while ago and am trying to get better at recognizing when I start to get upset at someone and NOT let my emotions lead me or obey them; but obey God instead and treat others with love. It's a work in progress.
It REALLY WORKS!!!
Tonya has told her secret before about how she deals with the whole monster issue in her house. Our first child has struggled HORRIBLY with fear. Most definitely more in a spiritual sense than normal childhood fear. This monster thing NEVER worked with him. Thomas, on the other hand, is going through NORMAL 4 year old fear of monsters in the closet right now. So, last night I employed Tonya's secret weapon.
I waded through Tonya's archives but I'm tired now so I will give those of you who are my family the general gist. But FULL CREDIT goes to Tonya Kissack (the Tonya on my sidebar).
Thomas- MOMMY!
Me- Yes honey.
T- I'm SCARED. (He really did look scared.)
Me- What are you scared of.
T- I think that there is a monster in my closet.
Me- Oh, well let me check.
(You can tell from his next reaction that he FULLY expected me to proclaim that the closet was monster free.)
Me- (after checking) OH! There IS a monster in here. You were right.
(He looked like he was going to FREAK OUT! You should have seen his eyes. They were SO WIDE. Judah sat straight up in bed and looked nervous too.)
Me- (looking back at the open closet) Monster, you have fleas! We cannot have fleas in our house. You need to go outside. (pause) What is that you are saying Mr Monster?
Me- (To Thomas in a compassionate voice) T, he says that it's VERY cold outside and he would really like to stay the night in the closet. He is a NICE monster and he WON'T do ANYTHING to hurt you. Can he please stay?
T- Sure. (pause and smile) He can sleep on my bad with me if he wants to.
Thomas indicates a spot at the foot of the bed. We go through the elaborate show of making him a place to sleep and I lifted the "monster" out of the closet and placed him in Thomas' bed. Thomas smiled and laid down. As soon as I was finished Judah said, "I want one too!" So we went through the thing again (minus the part where I told the "Monster" to sleep outside." As soon as I was done, lo and behold, Gideon (who's 2) grunted and smiled and gestured that he wanted one too. (which I thought was funny because it was entirely make believe. He's got an amazing ability at his young age to pretend play.) So, they all went to sleep happily and with no more trouble.
As I was tucking Thomas is tonight he said. "Mommy get the monster out of my closet. He can sleep NEXT to me in bed tonight." heehee
No fear. No anxiety. AND, he wasn't begging us to come with him everywhere in the house tonight. THANK-YOU TONYA! You really are a GENIUS!!!!!!
MY HUSBAND
I don't think I can sit next to my husband in church anymore. He's just too much fun. He had me choking back giggles during the whole service. (even communion- which normally we act very serious for FYI) What a great guy!
Blogging Pet Peeve
Why do people continually read others' blog that they TOTALLY don't agree with and leave combative/scathing comments on them? Good grief. These aren't required reading folks! If some one's opinion makes you that angry...DON'T READ IT EVERY DAY!! :):):)
Now, I do read blogs that I don't always agree with. I read blogs that challenge me. I also read blogs that I love. However, the only ones I leave combative comments on are friends' blogs who don't mind having a good debate every now and then, or a stranger who I feel is way out of line- but the stranger thing has been VERY VERY rare. Usually I don't comment and I stop reading the blog if I notice it frustrates me every day. Weird. I just don't get people sometimes.
My "Baby"
Gideon is 26 1/2 months old and still only says about 7 words- none of them in 2 word sentences. It's SO strange. His hearing is perfect. His comprehension is ASTOUNDING for his age. His obedience level is also high for his age. It's baffling. I think I have been partly to blame. I realized that I don't actually require him to say words very often. LOL
Judah (our firstborn) was VERY VERY strong willed. Thomas was very whiny. So both of those boys were immediately checked when they asked for something inappropriately. Gid, on the other hand, doesn't whine very often, doesn't throw very many fits, doesn't fuss too much. He smiles sweetly and you want to give him the world. He can make you understand what he wants without language. We are starting to make him try to talk but he isn't imitating the words very well. We have ordered the Baby Bumblebee Bee DVD set for kids with language delays and autistic kids (Gid is NOT autistic. It's just used for both autistic AND language delayed kids.) I'll update y'all when we start the series. It's going to take a few weeks to get here. :) Please pray for us occasionally concerning this. We have just been really laid back about it and figured that he would talk when he was ready but that doesn't seem to be happening. So, onto the Baby Bumblebee set. Hopefully that will kick start him because he really is very smart. :)
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION
Today at church our older boys' teacher said that she had to put J in time out for kicking/pushing a couple of kids. I immediately thought, "That's weird. He doesn't ever do that anymore at church." We do deal with it at home but he hasn't had a problem with that in church for a long time. I don't even remember the last time that was an issue.
Later I smiled to myself and then asked Michael, "Wasn't it wonderful when we heard about Judah's behavior to think- that's weird; instead of sighing and thinking- that's normal (which would have been true 18 months ago)? He smiled and said, "Yes!"
Hey, for me, seeing any progress is good. lol It keeps me going.
My new Mommy mantra is "progress not perfection".
Don't get me wrong. I would love to see perfection in my kids. But since all kids have a sinful nature I just have to keep plugging away, correcting the behavior as it comes up, redirecting them to their Source of help, and know that progress is happening even when it's slow.
And yes, Judah was corrected at home too. :)
Progress not Perfection.
Blessings!
Angela :)
First of all I want to start with the most WONDERFUL Mommy moment that I've had in a while. I also want to preface that this is the child that I am dealing with constantly right now with disrespect, always wanting things his way, etc. There has been a lot of talking and (ahem) correction the last month or so.
Yesterday evening I was taking something out of the fridge and he came up to me and said (keep in mind that this child is four almost 5 years old)...
T- You're a good Mommy.
Me- Why? How am I a good Mommy.
T- You spank me, you teach me in homeschool, you love me."
He proceeded to throw his little arms around my neck and give me the best hug which I reciprocated of course. :)
While he was eating dinner a little bit later I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Thomas, you make my heart so happy." He replied, "You make mine happy too."
Personal Reflection
I have noticed that when I am irritated/angry with one person that I am irritated/angry with everyone. I don't compartmentalize that very well. I have realized of late that when I do that I am actually obeying my emotions instead of the Holy Spirit. Example: if I get mad at person A then I will be VERY likely to snap at person B. At that point I am letting my emotions lead and not God. I realized this a little while ago and am trying to get better at recognizing when I start to get upset at someone and NOT let my emotions lead me or obey them; but obey God instead and treat others with love. It's a work in progress.
It REALLY WORKS!!!
Tonya has told her secret before about how she deals with the whole monster issue in her house. Our first child has struggled HORRIBLY with fear. Most definitely more in a spiritual sense than normal childhood fear. This monster thing NEVER worked with him. Thomas, on the other hand, is going through NORMAL 4 year old fear of monsters in the closet right now. So, last night I employed Tonya's secret weapon.
I waded through Tonya's archives but I'm tired now so I will give those of you who are my family the general gist. But FULL CREDIT goes to Tonya Kissack (the Tonya on my sidebar).
Thomas- MOMMY!
Me- Yes honey.
T- I'm SCARED. (He really did look scared.)
Me- What are you scared of.
T- I think that there is a monster in my closet.
Me- Oh, well let me check.
(You can tell from his next reaction that he FULLY expected me to proclaim that the closet was monster free.)
Me- (after checking) OH! There IS a monster in here. You were right.
(He looked like he was going to FREAK OUT! You should have seen his eyes. They were SO WIDE. Judah sat straight up in bed and looked nervous too.)
Me- (looking back at the open closet) Monster, you have fleas! We cannot have fleas in our house. You need to go outside. (pause) What is that you are saying Mr Monster?
Me- (To Thomas in a compassionate voice) T, he says that it's VERY cold outside and he would really like to stay the night in the closet. He is a NICE monster and he WON'T do ANYTHING to hurt you. Can he please stay?
T- Sure. (pause and smile) He can sleep on my bad with me if he wants to.
Thomas indicates a spot at the foot of the bed. We go through the elaborate show of making him a place to sleep and I lifted the "monster" out of the closet and placed him in Thomas' bed. Thomas smiled and laid down. As soon as I was finished Judah said, "I want one too!" So we went through the thing again (minus the part where I told the "Monster" to sleep outside." As soon as I was done, lo and behold, Gideon (who's 2) grunted and smiled and gestured that he wanted one too. (which I thought was funny because it was entirely make believe. He's got an amazing ability at his young age to pretend play.) So, they all went to sleep happily and with no more trouble.
As I was tucking Thomas is tonight he said. "Mommy get the monster out of my closet. He can sleep NEXT to me in bed tonight." heehee
No fear. No anxiety. AND, he wasn't begging us to come with him everywhere in the house tonight. THANK-YOU TONYA! You really are a GENIUS!!!!!!
MY HUSBAND
I don't think I can sit next to my husband in church anymore. He's just too much fun. He had me choking back giggles during the whole service. (even communion- which normally we act very serious for FYI) What a great guy!
Blogging Pet Peeve
Why do people continually read others' blog that they TOTALLY don't agree with and leave combative/scathing comments on them? Good grief. These aren't required reading folks! If some one's opinion makes you that angry...DON'T READ IT EVERY DAY!! :):):)
Now, I do read blogs that I don't always agree with. I read blogs that challenge me. I also read blogs that I love. However, the only ones I leave combative comments on are friends' blogs who don't mind having a good debate every now and then, or a stranger who I feel is way out of line- but the stranger thing has been VERY VERY rare. Usually I don't comment and I stop reading the blog if I notice it frustrates me every day. Weird. I just don't get people sometimes.
My "Baby"
Gideon is 26 1/2 months old and still only says about 7 words- none of them in 2 word sentences. It's SO strange. His hearing is perfect. His comprehension is ASTOUNDING for his age. His obedience level is also high for his age. It's baffling. I think I have been partly to blame. I realized that I don't actually require him to say words very often. LOL
Judah (our firstborn) was VERY VERY strong willed. Thomas was very whiny. So both of those boys were immediately checked when they asked for something inappropriately. Gid, on the other hand, doesn't whine very often, doesn't throw very many fits, doesn't fuss too much. He smiles sweetly and you want to give him the world. He can make you understand what he wants without language. We are starting to make him try to talk but he isn't imitating the words very well. We have ordered the Baby Bumblebee Bee DVD set for kids with language delays and autistic kids (Gid is NOT autistic. It's just used for both autistic AND language delayed kids.) I'll update y'all when we start the series. It's going to take a few weeks to get here. :) Please pray for us occasionally concerning this. We have just been really laid back about it and figured that he would talk when he was ready but that doesn't seem to be happening. So, onto the Baby Bumblebee set. Hopefully that will kick start him because he really is very smart. :)
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION
Today at church our older boys' teacher said that she had to put J in time out for kicking/pushing a couple of kids. I immediately thought, "That's weird. He doesn't ever do that anymore at church." We do deal with it at home but he hasn't had a problem with that in church for a long time. I don't even remember the last time that was an issue.
Later I smiled to myself and then asked Michael, "Wasn't it wonderful when we heard about Judah's behavior to think- that's weird; instead of sighing and thinking- that's normal (which would have been true 18 months ago)? He smiled and said, "Yes!"
Hey, for me, seeing any progress is good. lol It keeps me going.
My new Mommy mantra is "progress not perfection".
Don't get me wrong. I would love to see perfection in my kids. But since all kids have a sinful nature I just have to keep plugging away, correcting the behavior as it comes up, redirecting them to their Source of help, and know that progress is happening even when it's slow.
And yes, Judah was corrected at home too. :)
Progress not Perfection.
Blessings!
Angela :)
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Exposing the "Free to Be ME Myth"
I have heard this thrown around before and I might have even agreed with it awhile back but...I'm not so sure any more that this is the way to go. :)
There is a myth in motherhood that we, as mothers, still need a chance to be who we are.
This is not to be confused with needing breaks from the kids for short periods of time to de-stress. You know, to go out to lunch with a friend/sister/mother, take a bath, pray, etc. I think breaks are all well and good- unless they are idolized above family and you spend all day frustrated because you cannot get a BREAK! :)
What I'm talking about can be explained by this short example. I will not use names because this is a true story about people in my family.
My cousin married at around age 22. I think this is a great age to get married as that is the same age I got married. I don't think it's too young AT ALL.
Anyway, I recently (a couple of months ago) asked my aunt how my cousin was doing and my aunt said that she was OK. I asked if marriage/motherhood (she has been married around 20 months and has a 1 year old) was going well.
My aunt's response was "OK, her husband just needs to let her get out more" or something like that. I asked sympathetically, "Oh, will he not watch the kiddo and give her a break?" My aunt said that he (my cousin's husband) didn't want her to go back to school and finish her degree. My cousin wanted to. She went against what her husband wanted. She is taking night classes and her parents (my aunt and uncle) are watching the baby at night for her because her husband apparently refused to. My aunt is siding with her daughter in this and stated something like, "It will get better when he realizes that she just needs time to be her own person." Inside my mouth just feel open but thankfully I didn't say anything. I mean, anything I would have said would have sounded...well...you know.
I don't know about any of you but I didn't cease to be who I was when I became a SAHM. It just changed in how it came out.
Before I had children I worked as a receptionist at a clinic. I enjoyed my job but was REALLY ready to hang it up to stay at home when Judah was born. What I didn't really want to give up however were the extra activities I was involved in. I was singing/playing the keyboard on my church worship team, I was leading the church drama team, I wanted to possibly go back to teaching Sunday School at some point. All those things use what I believe God has gifted me with to edify the body and glorify Him. My husband, however, had a different idea. He wanted me to drop everything to stay at home and raise Judah (and later Thomas and Gideon). Our business was very stressful. Michael was working LONG LONG LOOOOOOOONG hours. If I had done anything outside of the house at that time it would have been very stressful on him. So, I honored my husband. He did let me add drama back in when Judah was 6 months old.
Who I am is a singer, leader, actress, piano player, guitar player, speaker, teacher, passionate, dramatic, loud, fun, silly, daughter of the King.
I am still who I am as a SAHM. While I no longer am on worship team I do sing worship songs with my kids. While I am not leading a team or a class I am hopefully leading my kids to Jesus in my home. While I am not acting outside the home my kids get a real kick out of me reading out loud to them because, basically, I'm acting it out; not bodily but in my voice and I change it to do each character. I can still play the guitar or piano and my kids and I can sing or I can play and they can dance for Jesus. I homeschool so I am a teacher. (Although even non homeschool parents are still teachers. Kids are always learning things from their parents.) I am still passionate, dramatic, loud, semi-fun, silly, and still a daughter of the King!
I am still ME! It is just different in how I use it these days.
I am not saying that women cannot do things outside the home (in limited form). I'm just saying that I think we should a) honor our husband's wishes and b) not buy into the myth that being a SAHM somehow cramps who we really are. :)
I am still ME! lol
Blessings!- Angela :)
There is a myth in motherhood that we, as mothers, still need a chance to be who we are.
This is not to be confused with needing breaks from the kids for short periods of time to de-stress. You know, to go out to lunch with a friend/sister/mother, take a bath, pray, etc. I think breaks are all well and good- unless they are idolized above family and you spend all day frustrated because you cannot get a BREAK! :)
What I'm talking about can be explained by this short example. I will not use names because this is a true story about people in my family.
My cousin married at around age 22. I think this is a great age to get married as that is the same age I got married. I don't think it's too young AT ALL.
Anyway, I recently (a couple of months ago) asked my aunt how my cousin was doing and my aunt said that she was OK. I asked if marriage/motherhood (she has been married around 20 months and has a 1 year old) was going well.
My aunt's response was "OK, her husband just needs to let her get out more" or something like that. I asked sympathetically, "Oh, will he not watch the kiddo and give her a break?" My aunt said that he (my cousin's husband) didn't want her to go back to school and finish her degree. My cousin wanted to. She went against what her husband wanted. She is taking night classes and her parents (my aunt and uncle) are watching the baby at night for her because her husband apparently refused to. My aunt is siding with her daughter in this and stated something like, "It will get better when he realizes that she just needs time to be her own person." Inside my mouth just feel open but thankfully I didn't say anything. I mean, anything I would have said would have sounded...well...you know.
I don't know about any of you but I didn't cease to be who I was when I became a SAHM. It just changed in how it came out.
Before I had children I worked as a receptionist at a clinic. I enjoyed my job but was REALLY ready to hang it up to stay at home when Judah was born. What I didn't really want to give up however were the extra activities I was involved in. I was singing/playing the keyboard on my church worship team, I was leading the church drama team, I wanted to possibly go back to teaching Sunday School at some point. All those things use what I believe God has gifted me with to edify the body and glorify Him. My husband, however, had a different idea. He wanted me to drop everything to stay at home and raise Judah (and later Thomas and Gideon). Our business was very stressful. Michael was working LONG LONG LOOOOOOOONG hours. If I had done anything outside of the house at that time it would have been very stressful on him. So, I honored my husband. He did let me add drama back in when Judah was 6 months old.
Who I am is a singer, leader, actress, piano player, guitar player, speaker, teacher, passionate, dramatic, loud, fun, silly, daughter of the King.
I am still who I am as a SAHM. While I no longer am on worship team I do sing worship songs with my kids. While I am not leading a team or a class I am hopefully leading my kids to Jesus in my home. While I am not acting outside the home my kids get a real kick out of me reading out loud to them because, basically, I'm acting it out; not bodily but in my voice and I change it to do each character. I can still play the guitar or piano and my kids and I can sing or I can play and they can dance for Jesus. I homeschool so I am a teacher. (Although even non homeschool parents are still teachers. Kids are always learning things from their parents.) I am still passionate, dramatic, loud, semi-fun, silly, and still a daughter of the King!
I am still ME! It is just different in how I use it these days.
I am not saying that women cannot do things outside the home (in limited form). I'm just saying that I think we should a) honor our husband's wishes and b) not buy into the myth that being a SAHM somehow cramps who we really are. :)
I am still ME! lol
Blessings!- Angela :)
Friday, March 7, 2008
URGENT URGENT URGENT
I don't know if you've heard of the recent California ruling against a homeschool family but I have a friend who homeschools in CA and she's nervous about this.
Even if you don't agree with homeschooling please sign the petition anyway so that those of us who do can continue to do it. Last time I checked this was a country that believed in freedom. :):) THANKS!
Here's the info
Subject: Homeschoolers in need!
Family and friends,
Homeschoolers in California are in need because of a terrible court decision. You can read about it here in the link I'm providing and and there is a link to a petition you can sign to depublish the opinion. Please consider doing this. For the OCHEA people I sent this too, perhaps it can be forwarded to all of the members, if the board approves.
http://www.hslda.org/hs/state/ca/200803030.asp
PLEASE POST THIS LINK ON YOUR BLOGS TOO! I really feel that we need to take a stand here as Americans.
Even if you don't agree with homeschooling please sign the petition anyway so that those of us who do can continue to do it. Last time I checked this was a country that believed in freedom. :):) THANKS!
Here's the info
Subject: Homeschoolers in need!
Family and friends,
Homeschoolers in California are in need because of a terrible court decision. You can read about it here in the link I'm providing and and there is a link to a petition you can sign to depublish the opinion. Please consider doing this. For the OCHEA people I sent this too, perhaps it can be forwarded to all of the members, if the board approves.
http://www.hslda.org/hs/state/ca/200803030.asp
PLEASE POST THIS LINK ON YOUR BLOGS TOO! I really feel that we need to take a stand here as Americans.
Hilarious Child Training story!
OK, so yesterday I wrote a post and then got to practice it. LOL
(I think God does that to keep us humble.)
So, here's the story. It's really funny....
We went outside yesterday afternoon (PRAISE GOD!!!!! My house was getting DESTROYED!) and the boys were eating Popsicles (a rare treat). Thomas was eating a Popsicle and carrying a ball around at the same time. He tried to go up the stairs to the porch and tripped. Judah was standing next to where he had tripped and, instead of helping him up, he tried to kick the ball out of his arms. It was just because he "could". :( I took a deep breath (I HATE to see people hurt when they are down or picked on if they are weaker so I was trying not to scream. I'm getting better.I tend to yell if I'm not super careful.) and called Judah over and told him to sit next to me. Judah came. I said something like," Judah, what you just did is very disturbing to me. Instead of helping your brother when he was hurt you kicked him when he was down." He just looked at me like he was possibly thinking about what I had just said. I called Thomas back and said to him, "Fall down again." Thomas looked at me like I might be losing it. :) So, I told him again, "Fall down Thomas but don't get hurt." He started to smile but he did it. I looked at Judah and said, "now, go help your brother up." He went over and dutifully helped him up. Thomas realized this could be a game. He fell down again and BOTH Gideon (who had been watching the whole thing) and Judah came to "help" him up. That started a good half hour of the brothers running to help each other up. It was quite funny to watch 3 "toughies" who normally fall down, bleed, get up themselves and don't cry, waiting for the others to help them up. :)
Then, something went terribly wrong. I noticed they started fighting over who would help the baby up. LOL "I'll get him!" "NO! I'll get him!" As they ran, arguing, to see who would get there first.
Funny as it was I noticed that even in their "serving" they were still drawn to selfishness. The whole point of the thing was to get them to think of others and they were still thinking of themselves. LOL
I guess I have more work to do. :):):)
It was REALLY funny!!
Thought I'd share with everyone.
Blessings!- Angela :)
(I think God does that to keep us humble.)
So, here's the story. It's really funny....
We went outside yesterday afternoon (PRAISE GOD!!!!! My house was getting DESTROYED!) and the boys were eating Popsicles (a rare treat). Thomas was eating a Popsicle and carrying a ball around at the same time. He tried to go up the stairs to the porch and tripped. Judah was standing next to where he had tripped and, instead of helping him up, he tried to kick the ball out of his arms. It was just because he "could". :( I took a deep breath (I HATE to see people hurt when they are down or picked on if they are weaker so I was trying not to scream. I'm getting better.I tend to yell if I'm not super careful.) and called Judah over and told him to sit next to me. Judah came. I said something like," Judah, what you just did is very disturbing to me. Instead of helping your brother when he was hurt you kicked him when he was down." He just looked at me like he was possibly thinking about what I had just said. I called Thomas back and said to him, "Fall down again." Thomas looked at me like I might be losing it. :) So, I told him again, "Fall down Thomas but don't get hurt." He started to smile but he did it. I looked at Judah and said, "now, go help your brother up." He went over and dutifully helped him up. Thomas realized this could be a game. He fell down again and BOTH Gideon (who had been watching the whole thing) and Judah came to "help" him up. That started a good half hour of the brothers running to help each other up. It was quite funny to watch 3 "toughies" who normally fall down, bleed, get up themselves and don't cry, waiting for the others to help them up. :)
Then, something went terribly wrong. I noticed they started fighting over who would help the baby up. LOL "I'll get him!" "NO! I'll get him!" As they ran, arguing, to see who would get there first.
Funny as it was I noticed that even in their "serving" they were still drawn to selfishness. The whole point of the thing was to get them to think of others and they were still thinking of themselves. LOL
I guess I have more work to do. :):):)
It was REALLY funny!!
Thought I'd share with everyone.
Blessings!- Angela :)
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Child Training Question Answered
I got this email from a sister in Christ.
Names have been deleted to protect privacy. :)
> I am writing to you because I need some advice from weathered souls who train their children well (at least as far as I can tell from your blogs!! :) )
>
> -----has started pushing down ---- brother.
>
> I have a number of responses, all of which work temporarily. I was wondering though, what do YOU two do to raise kids who respect each other? And how do you deal with physical tussles, etc?
>
> If you have time, I'd really appreciate hearing your wisdom. Hey -- you could blog about it!! :) :)
>
> THANK YOU!!!
> ----------
edited to add:
Before I start I just want to say that I don't even consider myself a very good child trainer. I make so may mistakes...BUT I do try hard. :) Well,
first of all, I am honored...heehee
Second of all, the advice I will give you is only what I have learned from watching godly women raise godly kids.
We had the same pushing issue with our first two. In fact we had much more than that. The first (who deals with anger on a regular basis) was jealous of the second and also just wanted to exert his older brotherness. (not a word but you know what I mean.) He was also just a rough kid all round. He likes to push/shove/play rough. Two of my friends observed this when he was around 18 months- 2 and said to me, "you need to train him to be gentle". I was worried because I didn't want him to loose his "boyness" by only being gentle. The first friend (who has SEVEN boys by the way) said that I wouldn't be taking out any testosterone but I would be training his heart. She also showed me through her own training that everything you train stems from a heart issue- obedience-authority, rebellion hitting, taking angrily- not loving others. Basically in everything she trains she explained that they are training their boys to obey God. They want them to learn to obey quickly so that when God asks them to do something it would just be second nature.
The other friend said that, at that age, I needed to discipline him EVERY time he wasn't gentle, because at that age they cannot understand the difference btwn circumstances. I balked at that and didn't do it. I tried it my way (disciplining only when I thought he was being mean) and it failed miserably. Finally, I tried what was suggested and, wouldn't you know, the mother of 6 was right. lol BTW- Now, the older boys (4 and 6) are allowed to wrestle because they know the difference btwn play and unkindness. (and I'm right there to stop it the minute it starts to change from fun to anger- other moms with boys will know exactly what I'm talking about)
Basically at every moment of every day the boys and I are learning to prefer others. I constantly correct behavior that is selfish. The Holy Spirit will show you things that are selfish that you never dreamed of. :):) We talk about the Bible saying to love one another. We talk about how that looks, practically speaking. We talk about ways to love others. I have also learned some good tips over at Catrina's blog that I have used...sitting down and thinking of 3 nice things you can say to your brother, etc.
You can also get them involved in serving the other more. I take many opportunities to ask one brother to go help the other (even if they want me) and that forces them to work together. That has gotten better in terms of going from grudgingly doing it only because Mommy said, to (at times) genuinely wanting to help the other.
Sometimes kids just need a bit of time apart. Our older boys grate on each other. They are best friends but also they drive each other NUTS. I remember when a woman (whom I consider to be wise and very Godly) in my church gave this advice , "How much time are you requiring your kids to play together- all day? I don't know about you but I'm not that Godly. I, as an adult, would have trouble being with someone 24/7. Give them breaks from each other." This has worked in our house. If they are treating each other unkindly in the way they are talking/interacting and multiple corrections haven't phased them then I say to them, "You are not treating your brother kindly. You are not showing love to him. You brother is a gift to you from God and you need to treat him that way. Since you are not, you may not play together for awhile. You need to see what it would be like without a brother." It takes about 10 minutes of separation before they are BEGGING to be rejoined. :) If it hasn't been an all day battle and I notice they are just tired/irritated with each other a little I say, "Hey guys why don't you just do something separate for awhile."
How I discipline depends on the offense...If they are talking unkindly or rudely to the other I have them place their hand over their mouth for a few minutes to help them remember to speak kindly/respectfully. If they are irritating each other and they've been together for a few hours- a bit of time apart. Some of you will not agree with this one but how we deal with all deliberate physical meanness is a sound spanking. :) It seems a bit backwards for our minds to conceive why you would reward violence with "violence". Believe me, the boys know the difference btwn hitting someone and a spanking. Spankings are supposed to be calm and deliberate and not a knee jerk reaction. The knee jerk reaction would confuse them but done in a proper way, spankings are not the "evil" our society claims they are.
Basically just ask God to show you the times your kids are not preferring others over themselves. He will show you yourself at the same time so be prepared to deal with that too. LOL
I am not a naturally savvy child trainer. If is were up to me I would have permissively parented my boys into total rebellion and myself into an asylum no doubt. :) I have just been blessed to be able to listen to and watch other godly parents train, see the fruit, and want that for my own kids. All kids have a sinful nature. It's a work in progress. (aren't we all) but we must be diligent in training their hearts. All training needs to be in the midst of tons of family fun, laughter, learning about God together, many snuggles, etc. :) (I am reminding myself as well)
Hope this helped a little.
Blessings!
Names have been deleted to protect privacy. :)
> I am writing to you because I need some advice from weathered souls who train their children well (at least as far as I can tell from your blogs!! :) )
>
> -----has started pushing down ---- brother.
>
> I have a number of responses, all of which work temporarily. I was wondering though, what do YOU two do to raise kids who respect each other? And how do you deal with physical tussles, etc?
>
> If you have time, I'd really appreciate hearing your wisdom. Hey -- you could blog about it!! :) :)
>
> THANK YOU!!!
> ----------
edited to add:
Before I start I just want to say that I don't even consider myself a very good child trainer. I make so may mistakes...BUT I do try hard. :) Well,
first of all, I am honored...heehee
Second of all, the advice I will give you is only what I have learned from watching godly women raise godly kids.
We had the same pushing issue with our first two. In fact we had much more than that. The first (who deals with anger on a regular basis) was jealous of the second and also just wanted to exert his older brotherness. (not a word but you know what I mean.) He was also just a rough kid all round. He likes to push/shove/play rough. Two of my friends observed this when he was around 18 months- 2 and said to me, "you need to train him to be gentle". I was worried because I didn't want him to loose his "boyness" by only being gentle. The first friend (who has SEVEN boys by the way) said that I wouldn't be taking out any testosterone but I would be training his heart. She also showed me through her own training that everything you train stems from a heart issue- obedience-authority, rebellion hitting, taking angrily- not loving others. Basically in everything she trains she explained that they are training their boys to obey God. They want them to learn to obey quickly so that when God asks them to do something it would just be second nature.
The other friend said that, at that age, I needed to discipline him EVERY time he wasn't gentle, because at that age they cannot understand the difference btwn circumstances. I balked at that and didn't do it. I tried it my way (disciplining only when I thought he was being mean) and it failed miserably. Finally, I tried what was suggested and, wouldn't you know, the mother of 6 was right. lol BTW- Now, the older boys (4 and 6) are allowed to wrestle because they know the difference btwn play and unkindness. (and I'm right there to stop it the minute it starts to change from fun to anger- other moms with boys will know exactly what I'm talking about)
Basically at every moment of every day the boys and I are learning to prefer others. I constantly correct behavior that is selfish. The Holy Spirit will show you things that are selfish that you never dreamed of. :):) We talk about the Bible saying to love one another. We talk about how that looks, practically speaking. We talk about ways to love others. I have also learned some good tips over at Catrina's blog that I have used...sitting down and thinking of 3 nice things you can say to your brother, etc.
You can also get them involved in serving the other more. I take many opportunities to ask one brother to go help the other (even if they want me) and that forces them to work together. That has gotten better in terms of going from grudgingly doing it only because Mommy said, to (at times) genuinely wanting to help the other.
Sometimes kids just need a bit of time apart. Our older boys grate on each other. They are best friends but also they drive each other NUTS. I remember when a woman (whom I consider to be wise and very Godly) in my church gave this advice , "How much time are you requiring your kids to play together- all day? I don't know about you but I'm not that Godly. I, as an adult, would have trouble being with someone 24/7. Give them breaks from each other." This has worked in our house. If they are treating each other unkindly in the way they are talking/interacting and multiple corrections haven't phased them then I say to them, "You are not treating your brother kindly. You are not showing love to him. You brother is a gift to you from God and you need to treat him that way. Since you are not, you may not play together for awhile. You need to see what it would be like without a brother." It takes about 10 minutes of separation before they are BEGGING to be rejoined. :) If it hasn't been an all day battle and I notice they are just tired/irritated with each other a little I say, "Hey guys why don't you just do something separate for awhile."
How I discipline depends on the offense...If they are talking unkindly or rudely to the other I have them place their hand over their mouth for a few minutes to help them remember to speak kindly/respectfully. If they are irritating each other and they've been together for a few hours- a bit of time apart. Some of you will not agree with this one but how we deal with all deliberate physical meanness is a sound spanking. :) It seems a bit backwards for our minds to conceive why you would reward violence with "violence". Believe me, the boys know the difference btwn hitting someone and a spanking. Spankings are supposed to be calm and deliberate and not a knee jerk reaction. The knee jerk reaction would confuse them but done in a proper way, spankings are not the "evil" our society claims they are.
Basically just ask God to show you the times your kids are not preferring others over themselves. He will show you yourself at the same time so be prepared to deal with that too. LOL
I am not a naturally savvy child trainer. If is were up to me I would have permissively parented my boys into total rebellion and myself into an asylum no doubt. :) I have just been blessed to be able to listen to and watch other godly parents train, see the fruit, and want that for my own kids. All kids have a sinful nature. It's a work in progress. (aren't we all) but we must be diligent in training their hearts. All training needs to be in the midst of tons of family fun, laughter, learning about God together, many snuggles, etc. :) (I am reminding myself as well)
Hope this helped a little.
Blessings!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I Wasn't Holding Out- Promise :)
For those of you who think I was holding out about Bargain Foods...
The reason I didn't post about it before was because the first time I went it was confusing, overwhelming, exhausting, irritating, etc. The whole yard sale experience was difficult for me and I couldn't have imagined wanting to go back with my kids in tow for ANYTHING! BUT, all last month I kept thinking about how much money I had saved and I wanted to give it another shot. I'm SO GLAD that I did. Really enjoyed it this time. I guess I just knew what to expect this time around and that helped. I'm used to buying pretty much the same groceries every month and making our meals from that. BUT, at this store you have to go with a totally open mind and plan meals later from what you bought. There are certainly things there that are laden with the artificial stuff we try to avoid but this time there was more of an organic selection. It varies all the time.
ANYWAY, for those who are interested. IF you are traveling on the 85 north from Toccoa/Anderson you take the Pelzer exit,(it's somewhere near exit 30) turn right, drive for a bit of a ways and Bargain Foods will be on your left after you go through a "town" section. :):):)
If you go there leave a comment or email me and tell me if you enjoyed it. :):):)
Tonya, I just might get that grocery bill down after all. :)
The reason I didn't post about it before was because the first time I went it was confusing, overwhelming, exhausting, irritating, etc. The whole yard sale experience was difficult for me and I couldn't have imagined wanting to go back with my kids in tow for ANYTHING! BUT, all last month I kept thinking about how much money I had saved and I wanted to give it another shot. I'm SO GLAD that I did. Really enjoyed it this time. I guess I just knew what to expect this time around and that helped. I'm used to buying pretty much the same groceries every month and making our meals from that. BUT, at this store you have to go with a totally open mind and plan meals later from what you bought. There are certainly things there that are laden with the artificial stuff we try to avoid but this time there was more of an organic selection. It varies all the time.
ANYWAY, for those who are interested. IF you are traveling on the 85 north from Toccoa/Anderson you take the Pelzer exit,(it's somewhere near exit 30) turn right, drive for a bit of a ways and Bargain Foods will be on your left after you go through a "town" section. :):):)
If you go there leave a comment or email me and tell me if you enjoyed it. :):):)
Tonya, I just might get that grocery bill down after all. :)
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