***WARNING***
The next statement is a bit tongue and cheek. Be not offended. :)
I think that the phrase QUALITY TIME was made up to ease the guilt of those who were not able or were not willing to spend large amounts of time with their children (or others).
**End of statement. Now back to your slightly sarcastic, semi-gracious programming.
I also think that it is, most of the time, not attainable to the degree people want it to be. Allow me to explain...
A few years ago my brilliant, adorable, wonderful husband said something like this, "I don't think that you can have true quality time without quantity time. The more you know the person, the better the quality when you are together. If you only gave someone 5 minutes of your time a day could that really be possible for it to be true quality time"?
I agreed with him at the time. (Because that's what a real helpmeet does right? I'm TOTALLY KIDDING. That is a remark thrown in for those who are reading Tia's study.)
But I really did agree with him and have thought about it from time to time.
It makes perfect sense. (My husband is WAY too logical sometimes but this time it came in handy.-heehee) Let me give you an explanation...
Say I'm trying to get to know someone. Let's use Tia for example. (You don't mind, do you Tia?) Say that every time we met we only had 10-15 minutes to get to know each other. Say that we only got together 4 days a week. Is that really enough time for most of us to build a deep relationship? No. In 10 minutes you barely have time to peek over the walls most of us have up at the beginning of a relationship.
Our kids/spouses are complex people with complex emotions, ideas, desires, dreams, etc. We need QUANTITY time to really get to know people.
Now it is definitely possible to have quantity time with NO quality involved. But it's not very probable to have quality time with little or very limited quantity time.
I'll close with a personal example.
I just left a comment on another person's blog who was asking us to tell her "how you tie heartstrings with your children.
What do you do to gain their trust?"
This is what I wrote:
TIME
Not just "quality time" but quantity time!! Much quantity time since most of the time I must be within earshot of my boys to catch any little needed training moments. We are almost always together since I am a SAHM who homeschools but lately the middle child (almost 5 years old) has been heard saying, "Mommy I haven't seen you all day." At first I was like, "What?! I've been with you ALLLLLL day long." What he was really saying was, "We didn't play much together today."
So I try for much quality time in the midst of all the quantity time. Thankfully the boys love to "do school" so they think that that's bonding time as well.
Now, quit reading and go have some quantity/quality time with those you love. :)
Blessings!- Angela :)
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7 comments:
It's 6:30 am, and they're all asleep! But I'll get some quantity/quality time in later. Good post.
By the way, our conversation got pretty interesting over at Ornaments of Grace. I'd love your perspective on the comments.
True.
Your husband is a wise man.
Also, quality time cannot be scheduled. Quality time comes in the moments when we least expect it, an offshoot, as you have said, of quantity time. It's like taking pictures. If you want to get a really good one, you have to take a whole lot of shots. You can say you want a really good picture and try to get it in one shot, but chances are, it won't be very good, AND you will be frustrated that you didn't meet your goal with it.
Putting pressure on very limited time to produce quality time actually decreases the chances that a pernet and child will have quality time because they will be tense, with very high expectations that have a high likelihood of not being met.
I totally agree with you--it takes quantity time to get quality time.
(Thanks for visiting my blog.)
Ruth
Umm... pernet? I hope you know I meant parent. Not sure what my fingers were doing. :)
Oh how true this post is!!! Also I think sometimes a parents definition of quality time is not right. Watching them play a game of baseball is not quality time! While they might feel great you are cheering them on , you are not spending quality time with them,. Also parents sometimes just forget to just love their kids. they get so busy they forget all their kids need is Love/.
Ruth,
Hi! Thanks for commenting.
I LOVE the camera illustration.
Can I use it if I promise to tell people that I didn't come up with it?
I was so lucky to receive a lot of Quality and Quantity time from my parents and I think you are so right that it is important to include both in your parenting. I love the comment that your son made about not seeing you all day. Sienna will sometimes say, "I miss you." when we have spent all day together. I know it is time to sit down and read a book or color or make a snack together. Thanks for the encouraging post!
Thanks Angela for the post. It really got me thinking!!
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