I am a bit fired up about this so bear with me. :):)
I've been reading a blog recently where the mother is learning a lot. It really seems like the Lord is challenging her to reach to new heights in Godly parenting and also in her personal life. What I have found a little disturbing are the comments that are left after her posts.
One such post was about having higher expectations for our children than society does. Society's expectations of obedience are, shall we say- WEAK!
I thought her thoughts about having a higher standard were right on the money. It was thought provoking and challenging.
Some of the comments she received were from people talking about having grace for ourselves as parents and not trying to be perfectionistic. One even said, "You are a super mommy just for being concerned about this issue." Nice statement but is it really true? I mean of course it's true that super mommies think about those issues but if we just THINK about them and are CONCERNED about them does that make us better parents because we are THINKING about things. Of course not. It's putting things into practice that counts.
In her post today she was noticing (like we ALL do) that some of her daughter's character flaws seem to be just like hers. One of the comments was, " Don't blame yourself so much--you are doing the best you are able to be and that's good enough. "
I'm not saying that we shouldn't encourage each other and I'm CERTAINLY not saying that perfection is attainable and that we should beat ourselves up for not being more Godly parents; but let's not stop at just contemplating going deeper with ourselves and deeper in our parenting. Let's DO IT!! With perfection- heavens no; with grace- absolutely.
Remember- even if you don't accomplish it perfectly just work steadily toward excellence. Then, when/if you fail you will just move on and keep trying instead of feeling like a failure and giving up.
OK those are my thoughts for the night. :):):)
Blessings and happy parenting!!
-Angela :)
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3 comments:
as a mom who has been caught in the web of perfectionism, and a legalistic spirt in regards to attaining excellence in parenting and wifehood....:) i have to say that i COMPLETELY understand the comments. this mom may genuinely be feeling called to excellence and that is great and certainly honorable and what we all should do. however, when my best friend noticed my striving for excellence, beginning to be a burden...turning to depression, and noticing that i was neglecting finding the joy in my current life,while trying to attain excellence...i am SO GLAD she spoke up and told me that some of the BASICS i was doing were ENOUGH and wonderful for my family. i began to SOB...literally when i got off the phone, cause i didn't even realize how little i believed in myself, because i'd lost sight of my true calling in christ. it's VERY easy for me to slip into this bad habit.
because of my perspective, i tend to be that type of commenter... telling people they are not lazy or that they are doing enough, cause honestly i think more people could easily caught in the same trap. some of us need a different kind of encouragement for change. i'm not assuming everyone is needing it... but everyone has a different motivation for change. for some it's telling yourself everyday that you have to reach for the high goal... for others it's learning in the moments to accept his grace in life and savor it so that you can be truly conformed to his image and then proceed towards the change he has for your life, habits, etc... that's me. for some it comes from an inner drive...which barely exists for me. i need deadlines and external influence to keep me going. which is why telling myself i am lazy does me no good most of the time. i just get depressed.
i think we all need to try to understand other perspectives and have patience with them.
i am extremely sensitive about the topic, cause i have watched my "striving" ruin our family...time after time. my husband would fully agree with this statement... and has told me SEVERAL times to just chill out and quit trying to be perfect.
i don't think perfectionism is what you mean about not settling ... but it is what can easily happen for many with my personality and background.
bottom line, make sure you know your calling, and know your identity in christ...and he will show you how to live and make change towards excellence in your life and heart. it's surprising to me how different people do it.
thanks for the encouragement not to settle... i totally agree, i just don't think we all arrive at that point the same way.
I understand Christy and believe me I have compassion for people caught in that cycle. I myself was in that cycle for years. I knew you would have a hard time with this one from the stuff we've talked about before. :):)
I just don't want anyone (including me) to stay in a cycle of defeat. I want us all to move forward. You're right. Everyone will arrive a bit differently.
Thanks for the perspective. :):):)
Thank you for your encouragement, Angela! And thank you for your wisdom in this post. I think you perfectly addressed what I'm coming to realize. I WANT to reflect the excellence of God and I want my children to do so, too, but I am realizing that, in my life, that's about as far as it has gone. I want, but I don't do what is necessary to have those desires come to completion.
I am also thankful for Christy's comment, because I could very easily fall into that trap, too, I think. So perhaps it is most important to think of what traits Christ wants my children to have and then model away! Faith, discipline, gratitude, compassion and kindness, AND joyfulness AND the willingness to forgive themselves and others.
Again -- I'm so grateful for your thoughtful posts...
Blessings to you and yours, too!
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