OK, usually I don't make New Year's resolutions for ANY reason. I don't think there is anything wrong with them, it's just that I can be so perfectionistic that if I make one and don't keep it...well you can imagine.
However, I'm thinking perhaps I should make one this year. This year I will try NOT to make so many assumptions about things. God help me (seriously). I didn't realize how bad I was at that until I got married. heehee. Obviously that can cause problems in marriages. :) Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Michael- Are you doing laundry today?
Me- Are you pressuring me? I'm already busy enough today and I don't want to be STRESSED out. Are you criticising me because you don't have enough clean clothes? I do SO MUCH around here...blah blah blah
Michael- I'm just asking because if you're too busy I was going to put my clothes in to wash so you wouldn't have to do it...
Me- (small sheepish voice) oh, nope, not going to use it.
(the small sheepish voice is on a good day. Usually I'm so humiliated that I get angry all over again. grin)
Many times early on in our marriage I would assume I knew what he was thinking and when I told him what I thought he was thinking me would exclaim, "Stay out of my head, you can't even figure out your own!" lol (That one really never made me mad...I usually laughed because it was so true. )
It has also crippled potential friendships in the past because I have thought things like "Catrina, Tonya (and later) DeeAnn would never want to be friends with someone like me. They are skinny, beautiful, popular people. "Those kinds of people" HATED me in high school. I would never be able to be friends with Tia because we disagree about all kinds of things and that would get in the way. BTW I hung out with Tia for a little over 5 hours last night and enjoyed every minute of it. ;)
So I really can get into trouble when I assume things to be true. We can assume someone believes something based on other things they believe but we never know until we ask them. We can assume someone wouldn't want to be around us and short change ourselves in the area of relationships. And on and on ad nauseum...
So this year my one New Year's resolution is this - Ask God to help me not to assume so much.
Because WE ALL know what ASSUMING does...heeheehee
Blessings!- Angela :)
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4 comments:
I literally laughed out loud when I saw my name followed by skinny and beautiful. For the record(again) I was the one in HS that people were tripping down the steps, having NO friend to sit with at lunch and never being asked to a dance. whaaa! I must say though that assuming negative things can be incredibly destructive, however if you assume positive things they can bring joy and life. For instance you can assume that your husband just didn't hear you call him to dinner, not assume he is ignoring you. You can assume that most people like you and want to be friends, instead of assuming that they aren't interested. YOu can assume that your husband and children love you and want to help you but they just speak a different love language. Anyway assuming the good in my marriage has helped us to thrive instead of die.
I understand what you're saying and for some people that would work really well but personally I've been seriously burned (more than once) while assuming good things too. I've been devastated many times to realize that I was believing a completely false thing. :)
I think we should assume good in situations that aren't clear but for me to completely assume anything (again, FOR ME) is usually not beneficial. :)
But many people could follow your advice and come out better because of it so I'm definitely NOT discrediting it. And I'm not a pessimistic person by nature. I'm just better off knowing the truth (most of the time) even if it's not what I wanted to hear. :)
Yea I know what you mean, I meant more for the ones we love. Usually I am wrong in my bad assumptions about DH, not in strangers or the creepy guy that is talking to our kids in the park.
It's so easy to jump to conclusions, read into what our hubby's are saying, put our foot in our mouths all because we couldn't wait to find out the reality of a thing instead of imposing our own assumptions. I do this, too. You are not alone.!
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