I have heard this thrown around before and I might have even agreed with it awhile back but...I'm not so sure any more that this is the way to go. :)
There is a myth in motherhood that we, as mothers, still need a chance to be who we are.
This is not to be confused with needing breaks from the kids for short periods of time to de-stress. You know, to go out to lunch with a friend/sister/mother, take a bath, pray, etc. I think breaks are all well and good- unless they are idolized above family and you spend all day frustrated because you cannot get a BREAK! :)
What I'm talking about can be explained by this short example. I will not use names because this is a true story about people in my family.
My cousin married at around age 22. I think this is a great age to get married as that is the same age I got married. I don't think it's too young AT ALL.
Anyway, I recently (a couple of months ago) asked my aunt how my cousin was doing and my aunt said that she was OK. I asked if marriage/motherhood (she has been married around 20 months and has a 1 year old) was going well.
My aunt's response was "OK, her husband just needs to let her get out more" or something like that. I asked sympathetically, "Oh, will he not watch the kiddo and give her a break?" My aunt said that he (my cousin's husband) didn't want her to go back to school and finish her degree. My cousin wanted to. She went against what her husband wanted. She is taking night classes and her parents (my aunt and uncle) are watching the baby at night for her because her husband apparently refused to. My aunt is siding with her daughter in this and stated something like, "It will get better when he realizes that she just needs time to be her own person." Inside my mouth just feel open but thankfully I didn't say anything. I mean, anything I would have said would have sounded...well...you know.
I don't know about any of you but I didn't cease to be who I was when I became a SAHM. It just changed in how it came out.
Before I had children I worked as a receptionist at a clinic. I enjoyed my job but was REALLY ready to hang it up to stay at home when Judah was born. What I didn't really want to give up however were the extra activities I was involved in. I was singing/playing the keyboard on my church worship team, I was leading the church drama team, I wanted to possibly go back to teaching Sunday School at some point. All those things use what I believe God has gifted me with to edify the body and glorify Him. My husband, however, had a different idea. He wanted me to drop everything to stay at home and raise Judah (and later Thomas and Gideon). Our business was very stressful. Michael was working LONG LONG LOOOOOOOONG hours. If I had done anything outside of the house at that time it would have been very stressful on him. So, I honored my husband. He did let me add drama back in when Judah was 6 months old.
Who I am is a singer, leader, actress, piano player, guitar player, speaker, teacher, passionate, dramatic, loud, fun, silly, daughter of the King.
I am still who I am as a SAHM. While I no longer am on worship team I do sing worship songs with my kids. While I am not leading a team or a class I am hopefully leading my kids to Jesus in my home. While I am not acting outside the home my kids get a real kick out of me reading out loud to them because, basically, I'm acting it out; not bodily but in my voice and I change it to do each character. I can still play the guitar or piano and my kids and I can sing or I can play and they can dance for Jesus. I homeschool so I am a teacher. (Although even non homeschool parents are still teachers. Kids are always learning things from their parents.) I am still passionate, dramatic, loud, semi-fun, silly, and still a daughter of the King!
I am still ME! It is just different in how I use it these days.
I am not saying that women cannot do things outside the home (in limited form). I'm just saying that I think we should a) honor our husband's wishes and b) not buy into the myth that being a SAHM somehow cramps who we really are. :)
I am still ME! lol
Blessings!- Angela :)
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8 comments:
All I can say is amen to this!!!!!!!!
Thanks Tiffany. I had a feeling you would agree with this one!
:)
Great post. I wish your message was one more moms understood. I would make for much more peaceful homes and happier families.
I respect your opinion, but I'm still scratching my head on this one... It's all about compromise in my book. Luckily my husband agrees or I guess we would have a problem! To each his own!
Amy
First of all before I comment I would just like y'all to know that Amy is my best friend from high school. So, I am not arguing with her. I am not even really debating. I'm just trying to clarify...
Amy-
I agree with compromise. If a wife feels like there is something she really needs/wants to do she and her husband can discuss it. If he is OK with it then- great! My worldview of marriage/parenting is being taken from what I understand the Bible to say. So, that's why I think that women need to honor the men as the head of the home. Not everyone will agree with me on that. That's fine. :)
I also think that raising children should be the parents primary responsibility especially in the early years.
Compromise is a wonderful thing. Michael and I have made many compromises during our marriage. However, he was unwilling to compromise on the "no extra-cirr. activities for a while". I honored him and tried to just let it go. I wanted to be obediant to God and Michael. The result of that was good. While we don't have a perfect marriage (who does?) he has seen my responses and it has greatly blessed our marriage. If I had said, "So what! I want to be on the praise team and I'm going to do it whether you agree or not" would that have been true compromise? I may have gotten my way BUT at the expense of our marriage and family. Our family was TOO stressed to be able to do anything outside the home. I didn't like his command but I did understand it. Later, we compromised on the drama thing. He was happy to let me do something that God has blessed me with.
Compromise is good- selfishness is not, rebellion is not.
I know that some husbands feel the need to let their wives go after their giftings while they stay at home to raise the children. Not everyone will approach parenting or homemaking the same way.
The keys for me are: submitting to my husband, what's really best for my family, and debunking the myth that you cannot use who you are in the role of SAHM. SAHM is only for a season. As soon as our kids leave the home I'm sure I will have lots of time to be myself outside of my home. :)
I hope this makes sense. It's really hard to put this into a condensed version. Terry is really much better at condensing than I am. :)
You're sweet to post such a long explanation. I don't 100% agree but I see where you are coming from. I think it has a lot to do with the personalities of those involved. If I really wanted to do something that was important to me, my husband wouldn't deny me because doing so would make him unhappy too (I guess he's a pushover, lol). Compromise works for us because it keeps us both sane. Of course, I'm not a socialite so it's really never an issue. I'd rather be at home any day of the week. But it still bothers me to think that if I DID want to do something, he supposedly has the right to say NO (I'm not doubting the bible here - just saying it's open to each indiviual's interpretation). That's a hard one for me. But, like I said, it's not really an issue for us and that's a relief! :)
Amy
Amy,
We don't have to agree. I still love you! haha
Your husband doesn't sound like a pushover. He sounds like a caring guy who loves you. :):) You are blessed!
Aw, shucks. :) Thanks! You're an awesome BFF!
Amy
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